I understand.
Do you want any advice? If so on what specifically? There are so many mamas on here--it is an abundance of AP/GBD wisdom. A great resource.
And don't view yourself as a mess up.
You are trying and you are actively taking steps to become a more gentle mother in word and deed. It doesn't all come at once. But as you keep reading books, posting on here,
, and staying in-tune with your kids you will be amazed at your growth when you look back in a few months...really in a year imagine the difference if you are willing to accept the difference and work at it.
We all have rough days. No one can deny that!