Welcome!
One thing that stuck out to me in your post...your children may very well be beyond the age where the 5 steps are an effective tool, KWIM?
Just as Mr. Pearl suggests you switch to train for obedience, but only up until a certain age...well, the 5 steps are more of a toddler approach IMO.
The biggest thing about being a GCM, to me, is treating my son with the same respect I wish to be treated. That doesn't mean I'm not in athority over him - it just means that I utilize that authority respectfully.
In addition to all the wonderful resources here, I suggest you look at
http://aolff.org
and
http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positiv...ter/index.html
These sites are both operated by mothers here on the board, and I think that they will really resonate with you.
Also, I encourage you to post specific scenarios you encounter in your life that would have formerly made you reach for your switch. We'd be happy to brainstorm with you to find a more Grace-ful solution!