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Old 04-06-2005, 08:50 AM   #6
Katherine
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Default Re: what made you change?

I grew up in a "saturated" Christian environment where spanking=obedience to God and NOT spanking=heresy, rebellion, and dooming your children to death and hell. It was the only think I knew, and dh grew up in a secular spanking home, so we intended to spank from the beginning. I had already read Dobson's books, and someone gave me TTUAC when ds was 6 mos old.

Thank the Lord that I read Dr. Sears AP books during my pg. I was pretty natural and very attached with my first son, and I truly believe that bond paved the way for me to question the harsh methods I was using.

Quote:
My search also came out of a need/desire to find something other than spanking because I was seeing myself leaning waaaay too close to the abusive side.
This is true of me, too. My son is incredibly intense and very, VERY persistent. No matter how often or consistently or "correctly" we spanked him, his behavior would escalate and he would FIGHT BACK harder and harder. The fury and pain and fear was so evident in his eyes and manner. He also had eczema and very sensitive skin. You can't swat a child like that repeatedly without causing damage. His skin would break out where I spanked him--even if it was only one or two swats.. and I was supposed to keep swatting him there? AGAIN AND AGAIN? HOW many times?! He was NOT the type of child to comply in response to pain or threatening.. I didn't know what to do. This could NOT be right... and even if it WAS right, I didn't care. It wasn't working.. it was causing obvious physical and emotional damage... it was ripping our family apart (I was almost full term with my 2nd pg when things really reached a breaking point) It felt so horrible and so wrong. So, even though part of me still believed I was disobeying God's Word, I began to back off from spanking, search for other answers. We found Crystal through a PBS program, and after digesting some of her website I stumbled across GCM.

When I first began questioning, I shared my concerns and thoughts with my sister. She believed in spanking just as strongly as I did. I didn't know if her response would be judgement or understanding, but she was the SAME child as my ds... intense, emotional, determined, outspoken, and NON-compliant. She was constantly and harshly disciplined at school her whole life, frequently spanked and punished at home, and stereo-typed by everyone in our community as the rebellious girl with the "bad attitude." Just the word "attitude" still raises the hair on the back of her neck. She was and still is the only IRL person (other than dh... who is not really consistent about it) who supports my decision not to spank. I have shared some with my parents out of necessity, and a tiny bit with my in-laws. Obviously, they both disagree with my decision and there has been some tension and hurt feelings, but the relationships remained intact.

I think/hope that if my sis ever has kids, she will elect not to spank... so I guess maybe that's one person who has been positively influenced by our experience.
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