Quote:
Originally Posted by Katigre
"What response teaches/enforces healthy boundaries?"
"Will this response help keep everyone safe?"
"What values do I want to teach in this situation?" (respect, patience, kindness, etc...)"
"Will my response teach them a pattern for how to act in the future?"
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I want to put these on my refrigerator
Again, I'm reminded that GBD is about
relationships. The other night, DH and I were discussing the parenting that raised both of us - my family being traditionally punitive and his appearing more grace based. However, his parents had the appearance of "gentle" discipline because they wanted to avoid conflict with their children. As a teenager, dh would sneak out of the house at night. One time his dad caught him coming back in, but NOTHING was ever said. At the time dh thought "Score! I got away with it. What cool parents." Now, he feels that the lack of a relational component in those parenting decisions has direct implications to his current relationship with his parents.
So, it's not about "being tough" or "being nice."
I guess I have to remember the relationship that I have with my kids and the impact that comes from modeling a healthy relationship. I don't want to use conditioning (smacking the hand etc) to produce "correct" behavior, but at the same time I don't want to gloss over inappropriate behavior just to avoid conflict. I want to foster a strong, healthy relationship with my kids and not be so insecure in that relationship that I feel it is threatened by conflict or disobedience.
Oooohhh, there's so much to think about...