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Old 11-22-2009, 11:10 AM   #14
celestial princess
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...sometimes I can't see it for the trees
 
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Default Re: The book: Helpful hints for child training



I just read it. I'm pretty sure that *someone* on GCM recommended it at some point, but I have no idea who, when or in what context.

I didn't get from it that it was horribly punitive. My take was that it was full of grace for children and parents. It didn't give a whole lot of practical tips until the second half, but it did address things that I had been looking for help with and hadn't been able to find any.

Also, i take serious issue with the idea that we only train dogs, or whatever. If a person take a job, they many times need to be trained, we train certain plants to grow in a certain patterns, and quite frankly, I'm not sure what the big deal is with comparing child training to dog training. It's no more ridiculous an idea than any other analogy or comparison, which by it's very nature must be inexact, especially since my understanding of current techniques in dog training focus on relationship, gentleness, and repetition.

The chapter's that I found particularly helpful were "Honoring a Child's Individuality," "The Place of Must in Training," "Letting Alone as a Means of Child Training," "Training Children to Sabbath Observance," (imagine if you didn't raise your child in faith and church from birth - how would go about instituting those changes?) "Training a child to Courtesy," "Never *Punish* a Child in Anger," ... in fact, I found the entire second half of the book to be VERY helpful.

Additionally, I find the "dog poop" analogy to be very unhelpful. While I certainly would never recommend Ezzo or any of the others (and in fact have gleefully recycled any copies I find at goodwill!) there is such a thing as discernment and prayer. You can't selectively digest something you eat - you can with something you read. some of us have grown up in very punitive-minded homes and are looking to break the cycle. Many people swing very far into the other side and become permissive, some just do what they know, some (like me ) do both. While it's true that it takes a lot of work to overcome that, in the meantime, we have actual families that need actual day to day raising and we have to do SOMETHING. Many times what we do is apologize for our failings and try to do better, and that's good, and try to learn new ways, and that's good, but there's still the day to day. I personally need *concrete* first do this then do that advice. and honestly, I've been trying all the things I've read on GCM from the beginning. No, not perfectly, but in trying to balance everyone's needs in this house....

whoops - just made this all about me sorry

In any case, while I dearly love all the very wise mamas on this board , I don't always agree with everyone's take on everything .

Oh, and also, while I love Sally Clarkson (am currently reading "the Ministry of Motherhood") I wouldn't say she's completely practical or non-punitive. And she does seem to embrace some of that "parent-is-God" mindset.

Also, I think there's a difference between 'condoning' spanking and recognizing that some people 'do' spank, and saying, well, before you do that, try this or this or this or this. Isn't that sort of like what we do here??
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Last edited by celestial princess; 11-22-2009 at 11:15 AM.
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