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Old 07-18-2006, 08:55 AM   #14
ArmsOfLove
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
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Default Re: I need to say a few things about the idea of defiance

I've missed you Amy

Quote:
BUT what about when I say "your cereal bowl goes on the table" and the child (now I am not meaning a toddler, like my 4yo) picks up the bowl and dumps it out on the floor..........what then? I mean I would still give them a towel and would expect him to help clean it up, but should that "attitude" (I hate to use that word) be dealt with?
4 is still SO young. No pre-logic. and pretty ornery My 4yo sometimes does things cuz he really wanted to--even though he knew I said not to. This more comes out with him, because if I say no he knows I mean no, in asking over and over and over again. What I've learned with him is that he struggles with *limits* so my answer needs to be either YES or NO. It's good practice to let my yes be yes and my no be no It's more, though, about not understanding time and space and lacking patience (like so many adults ). He's also incredibly literal. Now, with your example, I can *totally* see my 4yo hearing "Your cereal bowl goes on the table" and thinking, "She didn't say the milk in it" So I'd have him clean up that milk and that would be all he got--at least until I could see him make that connection that if the milk is on the floor it isn't going in his tummy then we might try again.

Also, my 4yo is totally about relationship--and it's even more than my other 4yo's because his love language is quality time and attention. If he's feeling ignored or unloved then his behavior is the quickest indication of that. If my 4yo did that I'd announce time to clean up, *then*, after it was cleaned up, proclaim breakfast over, and pull him to a comfy chair and talk to him or read a book or something that would connect us. And the next time he was taking his bowl to the table I would look him in the eye, and get down on his level, and say, "You need to take this bowl--and everything in it--to the table. Remember that if it's on the floor it won't get into your tummy."
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