I've found that since the Pearls put up their new and improved website the icky stuff is much more hidden and even more than before the wording of things is very deceptive
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He even mentions several instances where you can't spank and he points out that training children is about consistency, not spanking.
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Well, this is because he is using the same words to mean different things. He defines training as setting children up for failure and then swatting them. It's "proactive" in that you don't wait until they disobey on their own and then spank them. That's why he recommends not spanking--spanking is reactive. But his training is most assuredly swatting/use of the rod to physically strike
I do believe we need to be careful about speaking from our impressions or second hand information.
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A strong relationship will not be demolished by a few punitive practices. It won't collapse the day we blow it and scream at our son, "Just straighten up, quit acting stupid and practice your piano!" confused THAT is the reason why we all probably know a punitive family with wonderful kids, a punitive family with "broken" kids, a GBD family with wonderful kids and a GBD family with horrible kids. It's not so much about the way discipline is carried out (well, I mean within the bounds of a bell-curve norm) as it is what the relationship is. Of all people, Michael Pearl is the one who just let me realize that that is the whole of why my parents essentially failed. It could have failed just as badly if my folks had never dreamed of spanking.
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I'm glad you were finally able to hear this in a way that it made sense
It's true--our mistakes are minor compared to our love and relationship. That's why I emphasize relationship more than the tools that make things happen. Within healthy relationship you have good days and bad but the relationship is the guiding force. I talk about this a lot more in the new book
Scripture tells us that love covers over a multitude of sins