View Single Post
Old 08-08-2005, 02:16 PM   #7
hsgbdmama
Deactivated
 
Yeah, it's winter here ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
Posts: 11,903
hsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl

Ditto on what Crystal said. I got the book based on some strong recommendations of wonderful Christian women whom I respect, and I don't regret reading it -- simply from the standpoint that I can have my own opinion of it. I also would not use it for group study, IMHO, as I think it would offend (who is the more submissive and obedient wife? ) and end up causing rifts in friendships.

On the positive side, she does bring up good points about finding joy in your marriage and respecting and revering your husband. She surprisingly is not pro-dresses only or only long hair, pointing out there are women who do it for appearances, but are very un-Christian in actions. Also to her credit, she also stresses that if there is abuse (physical, s3xual, abuse of a child), or if the husband is asking the wife to do something illegal in the name of submission, to call the authorities and get out of the situation.

However, with that said, there are several issues I have with the book.

* There is a prevailing attitude of somehow the wife is always to blame. There is always something that the wife could have done better to keep her husband from straying (even if that is his nature), viewing p*rn, substance abuse, laziness, whatever. At times she seems to absolve the man of any responsibility whatsoever.

* She uses some pretty sweepeing generalities without citing any sources or studies. Several times in the book she either mentions or alludes to how women are increasingly turning to each other for intimacy. I guess it's the eternal student in me that makes me picky about these things.

* She contradicts herself in order to make her point. In some parts of the book, she says that the wife needs to take charge and not depend on the husband to get things done (using the example of being a VP or a COO in a company); however, in other parts, she advocates letting the husband make all the decisions and essentially allowing herself to be micromanaged. I have a business background, and I know of no VP or COO that got to that position by needing to be micromanaged.

* The book is about being a "help meet," but the husband is to come up with all the ideas himself (male ego stuff, I guess ). An example I remember is a woman whose husband is a CPA, but whose dream it is to become a dairy farmer. He is doing both (CPA by day, farm by night), and the wife is frustrated with the situation (husband gone a lot, working too much). Mrs. Pearl's advice? Basically suck it up and deal with it.

To me a better answer would be along the following lines: Your dh's dream is to be a dairy farmer -- don't squelch that dream! I know you're concerned about the long hours he is working and the potential effect on his health. Why not sit down with him and help him brainstorm some ideas on how he can either do the dairy farm full time or be able to do the CPA work from home? List several ideas, and let him choose the one that he feels will work best.

This leads me to the question of, How can I be a help meet if I'm not allowed to help?!?!?!?!

Basically, if you have a talent for something and your dh doesn't (i.e., business matters, balancing the checkbook), just suppress them and let **him** figure it out. To me, this directly contradicts the parable of the talents.

* If you don't marry a man, you are not fulfilling the purpose God created you for, and are therefore a failure. To which I argue back, what about nuns? What about women who dedicate their lives by going into the mission field? They are most definitely carrying out the work of Christ!!! Dh and I know several wonderful sisters, and I certainly do not consider any of them "failures." What about Mother Teresa? Would Mrs. Pearl consider her a "failure" because she became a nun and spent her life helping the poor and sick in Calcutta? This is a woman who is on the path to sainthood!!!! Certainly not a failure.

* Her advice to simplify went right out the window for me. Meals? The same 7 meals per week, on the same days of the week. In my house, the menu would be chucked on day 8 by dh.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to post my thoughts on the book. Some good stuff, but a lot that I just did not agree with.

ETA: Oh yes, how could I have forgotten? Mr. Pearl's whole "spiritual masturbation" thing! (It's basically where you are so inward looking and focused on doing studies and so on.)
hsgbdmama is offline   Reply With Quote
 
X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
  • Page Generation 0.05580 seconds
  • Memory Usage 6,970KB
  • Queries Executed 14 (?)
More Information
Template Usage:
  • (1)SHOWTHREAD_SHOWPOST
  • (1)ad_footer_end
  • (1)ad_footer_start
  • (1)ad_header_end
  • (1)ad_header_logo
  • (1)ad_navbar_below
  • (1)cyb_flashimagebanners
  • (1)footer
  • (1)gobutton
  • (1)header
  • (1)headinclude
  • (19)option
  • (1)post_groan_box
  • (1)post_groan_javascript
  • (1)post_groan_navbar_search
  • (1)post_thanks_box
  • (1)post_thanks_javascript
  • (1)post_thanks_navbar_search
  • (1)postbit_legacy
  • (1)postbit_onlinestatus
  • (11)postbit_reputation
  • (1)postbit_wrapper
  • (1)spacer_close
  • (1)spacer_open 

Phrase Groups Available:
  • global
  • postbit
  • reputationlevel
  • showthread
Included Files:
  • ./showpost.php
  • ./global.php
  • ./includes/init.php
  • ./includes/class_core.php
  • ./includes/config.php
  • ./includes/functions.php
  • ./includes/class_hook.php
  • ./includes/functions_notice.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php
  • ./includes/functions_bigthree.php
  • ./includes/class_postbit.php
  • ./includes/class_bbcode.php
  • ./includes/functions_reputation.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_groan.php
  • ./includes/functions_misc.php 

Hooks Called:
  • init_startup
  • cache_permissions
  • fetch_postinfo_query
  • fetch_postinfo
  • fetch_threadinfo_query
  • fetch_threadinfo
  • fetch_foruminfo
  • style_fetch
  • cache_templates
  • global_start
  • parse_templates
  • fetch_musername
  • notices_check_start
  • global_setup_complete
  • showpost_start
  • bbcode_fetch_tags
  • bbcode_create
  • postbit_factory
  • showpost_post
  • postbit_display_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_start
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_end
  • reputation_image
  • postbit_imicons
  • bbcode_parse_start
  • bbcode_parse_complete_precache
  • bbcode_parse_complete
  • postbit_display_complete
  • error_fetch
  • showpost_complete