I haven't read that article in years,thank you for linking it!
I have recently been talking with A about increased responsibility and increased privileges. I try to link the two in real time.
"You are able to get up in the morning and be pleasant and helpful with your brothers. That tells me you are able to stay up longer at night and we can read together."
She seems to have made the connection.
I have to think more about the arguing and whining aspect. With whining,I usually can softly say her name or just look at her expectantly and she will check herself,apologize or sometimes wail "I'm hungry!" and walk to the kitchen to resolve the problem.
That usually happens during school.
Arguing is different. I do my best to not engage. I say "I'm not going to argue with you. I asked you to xyz and I expect you to do it." I tend to ignore huffing and stomping reactions and wait till later when she's calm.
I'm not sure about the rest. I walk a delicate balance of gbd and punitive because I get angry easily. So I adjust my expectations to what I can emotionally uphold.