[katiekind]

Regarding becoming vulnerable to extreme advice on account of fear:

Because children do not grow up to be wonderful adults just because you love them and talk to them kindly.

Hmmm. If that's what you heard me say, then I need to try again, because that is definitely not what I meant or intended, and definitely not what I believe.

I know the secret is the relationship and the willingness to walk beside your child every step of the way. Never, ever giving up. You don't have to be harsh and you don't have to punish them, but you DO need to guide them, help them, set boundaries and limits and be consistent. You have to be their first and best resource person. It's tiring. I would say, don't give ground to your fears. You have lots of time and God does His best work with sinners.

Danielle, you're going to have to work through your issues with your son as God leads you, of course. I know you're afraid and you want to help him grow up to be a fine young man.

I would avoid Pearl because of his problems, but there are many other fine sources of good information on parenting that you might want to check out for additional support and ideas. What I find when I talk to older, experienced parents is that the differences between punitive and grace based parents are quite minimal if you really sit them down to talk about heart-level issues. There is a pool of common wisdom that is shared. Maybe you need to go looking for that.