[Epieikeia]

I had a few thoughts.

The first thought I had was that there is no understanding of normal childhood development in the teachings of the Pearls. I find this disturbing that we would expect a 10-month-old to act the same as a 3-year-old or a 8-year-old. Expecting all 3/4 year olds to be mature enough to be able to handle a separation from mom is not a fair expectation of all children. To naturally assume a child must be spoiled or indulged is not necessarily fair either.

Also, the herd mentality. The idea that all the little ones must align "just so" or something evil is going on. Again, everything based on the external display. Now, I know we as human are limited by the external--what we can see as only God can see the heart. However, our goal with our children should be the heart--you reach the heart (via the Holy Spirit) there will be an external change (though it doesn't guarantee perfect children who only display perfect little emotions).

I also think you are confusing permissiveness with GBD. Even secular psychology recognizes that permissive parenting is just as dangerous as heavy authoritative parenting.

For so many people, not spanking must equal permissive---of course that is a myth. A mother could actually be permissive and spank---spanking when she hits her limit and than compensating her guilt with indulgence.

The teaching/showing/educating about bees was to recondition that bees were not terrifying.

This is secular behaviorism ala the likes of Pavlov or Watson.

Also, I know Pearl was not saying it isn't necessary to spank, but only, if you legally can't, you can still train.

Well, I prefer teach (train is what I do with my dog or birds)--but still, if it is true that it can be done without spanking--then why not? Now I know he reads Scripture differently, but I have to say that as a foster parent of a 3 and an 11 year old---if all I knew was the Pearl method (which I do understand by reading their materials and actually you will find on GCM that I rarely discuss the Pearls here)--I could never ever foster.

Why could I never ever foster? Because my tools and abilities would be narrowly limited. The best I could hope for would be to maybe be very permissive with the foster kids and extremely authoritative with my own kids---which would mean that I would have 2 methods of discipline in my home causing division and ill feelings between the children in my care.

The key to everything is the Gospel--and that is the biggest issue I have with the Pearls. When I read their writings I rarely hear anything about Jesus. We cannot save our children though bevhavioralism or spanking or sheer human will. Our children are saved through faith in Christ (via the Holy Spirit)---if I fail to share that with them, then I have truly failed as a parent. It's the internal one needs to start with not the external. You get the internal, you will get the external---however, you will never eradicate the struggle of sin in anyone's life--no amount of "training" will produce a perfect child.