we call it "being unkind to each other" because this is how i address henry's actions towards his brother or others. when dh squeezes or (sometimes) worse henry tells him, "poppy, you were unkind to me. hitting/hurting hurts!" and dh is always taken aback and apologizes. i don't think he realized that children who are allowed to express their emotions (unlike his upbringing
) will tell him like it is. it has helped the discipline dynamic for all of us here that henry knows what this kind of treatment is (unkind and hurtful) and is able to express his feelings on the matter.
that sounds like a terrible situation.