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Marrae · 04-21-2005, 06:18 AM

Ok, I have a 14 yod and a 10 yos. I have had 3 m/c. I cannot have any more children.
I am British, we do not talk about feelings, in fact we do not have feelings (the way I was brought up

).
I can remember only really three things my mum told me.
1. When AF appeared for the first time - You'll have been told about this at school, right? end of conversation
2. A few weeks before my wedding - If the dr wants you to go on contraceptive pills, remember to tell him that there is high blood pressure in the family. end of conversation
3. Just before DD was born - There's no point trying to breastfeed, your skin is too fair. end of conversation
I am not trying to blame her for anything but just showing how totally un-informed and trusting I was. I didn't question anything and just did what others expected or told me. I did not have the internet or any parenting books. I am embarassed at how stupid I sound now.

So, to say I was not prepared for parenting is an understatement.
We got along quite well, a lot of things I did naturally were quite AP. Responding to babies needs, formula feeding on demand not scheduled, no cio, baby sleeping in our room till about 9 months or so, never leaving baby alone, tried slinging but it was a distastrous sling and I never knew there were better ones. I have always been a sahm and only ever occassionally left the children with grandparents.
BUT...........I am so sad about the things I did not do. Breastfeeding being the number one. Not persevering with the sling.
And then starting to spank when they were older

., not really valuing and cherishing the time when they were little - I was very stressed out by the whole parenting thing, yelling, not knowing about reflecting feelings etc etc
It's really eating away at me and there is no second chance, you know? I suppose I should be glad I never knew about the whole Ezzo/Pearl thing either.
How do I get over this? How do I get to feel peace about this all? How can I encourage others to do things that I never did although I know now that I should have? I feel such a fraud and a hypocrite.
My dh says that he feels sometimes that I should not read as much on this board as I get so sad about these things. You know, just upsetting myself about things I cannot change now.
Where do I go from here?

BTW, I have never told anyone else I feel like this. Dh just knows a little of it.

04-21-2005, 06:18 AM	#1
Marrae Moderator in Tweens & Teens, Teens & Beyond, the Cookbook, Let's Talk, Drawing Closer, and Bible Study The presence of the Holy Spirit is the keystone of all our hopes Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: U K Posts: 10,647	How do I get 'past' this? Ok, I have a 14 yod and a 10 yos. I have had 3 m/c. I cannot have any more children. I am British, we do not talk about feelings, in fact we do not have feelings (the way I was brought up ). I can remember only really three things my mum told me. 1. When AF appeared for the first time - You'll have been told about this at school, right? end of conversation 2. A few weeks before my wedding - If the dr wants you to go on contraceptive pills, remember to tell him that there is high blood pressure in the family. end of conversation 3. Just before DD was born - There's no point trying to breastfeed, your skin is too fair. end of conversation I am not trying to blame her for anything but just showing how totally un-informed and trusting I was. I didn't question anything and just did what others expected or told me. I did not have the internet or any parenting books. I am embarassed at how stupid I sound now. So, to say I was not prepared for parenting is an understatement. We got along quite well, a lot of things I did naturally were quite AP. Responding to babies needs, formula feeding on demand not scheduled, no cio, baby sleeping in our room till about 9 months or so, never leaving baby alone, tried slinging but it was a distastrous sling and I never knew there were better ones. I have always been a sahm and only ever occassionally left the children with grandparents. BUT...........I am so sad about the things I did not do. Breastfeeding being the number one. Not persevering with the sling. And then starting to spank when they were older ., not really valuing and cherishing the time when they were little - I was very stressed out by the whole parenting thing, yelling, not knowing about reflecting feelings etc etc It's really eating away at me and there is no second chance, you know? I suppose I should be glad I never knew about the whole Ezzo/Pearl thing either. How do I get over this? How do I get to feel peace about this all? How can I encourage others to do things that I never did although I know now that I should have? I feel such a fraud and a hypocrite. My dh says that he feels sometimes that I should not read as much on this board as I get so sad about these things. You know, just upsetting myself about things I cannot change now. Where do I go from here? BTW, I have never told anyone else I feel like this. Dh just knows a little of it. __________________ **~ Ruth * ~*** wife (dh A, ~ 33 ~ years) mother (dd G 29, ds D 25) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8 : 28

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