[canadiyank]

Thanks for reviving this! I can't believe it's been since May that I've updated. Life keeps getting in the way, I guess. But I need the tools and reminders more than ever!

Chapter 5 continued....Strategies to Deal With Things (dealing with people is the next section)

Younger and older children both can be frustrated by learning how the physical world works (untangling something, pouring into a glass, kicking a soccer ball, etc). The frustration can come from either a) lack of understanding of how the world works, or b) a lack of skill or ability to do the activity.

Lack of Understanding: Crary says we're often tempted to tell the child why what they're doing isn't working. She gives the example of a child building a block tower on a wrinkled carpet and it keeps falling down. It would be easy for us to say, "It's falling down b/c it's on a wrinkle. Build it over there." She says, "While that is the quickest way to give information, it may not be the most effective way for the child to learn the information. Usually children learn best discovering things themselves" (46).
Our job in these sorts of situations is to ask questions, make observations, help them try things out (e.g., building a tower on a stable part and asking what the difference is) until they discover the solution. This teaches the child to think about the problem: defining the problem, creating alternatives, testing the ideas, etc. This is a skill they can then use to reduce frustration in the future.

Lack of Skill: Many children get frustrated b/c they want to do something (e.g., play piano, play basketball, read a book) but they simply lack the skill. Learning the skill takes time and practice and sometimes the progress is not easily seen so they become upset. (This is the *biggest* thing in my dd1's life right now..."giving up" b/c she can't do it right away and getting overly frustrated if I suggest something). Following are seven ways we can help the child stay focused on their goal.

1) Get a teacher or a mentor. Find a person who knows the skill or one who also has experience teaching the skill; this will make it easier to learn and they can help you/the child avoid common problems encountered while mastering the skill.

2) Divide the task into small pieces. This is pretty self-explanatory but something I often forget. I find for myself if I do this the task becomes more manageable almost immediately. We help our children think of the small steps, not just tell them what they are.

3) Make practice fun. She suggests using rewards after several times of trying the skill.

4) Chart your progress. Find some way to record effort and success, keeping track on a calendar, in a notebook, etc.

5) Take breaks. Whenever you find yourself getting upset, take a break. Plan for that, say, taking a water break. You can also use the self-calming tools from the previous chapters.

6) Make a committment. It could be in terms of "effort" or "results." For example, effort could be in terms of x-am't of time or x-am't of tries, whereas results would be x-am't of right tries no matter how long it takes.

7) Imagine yourself as successful. Put lots of detail into the imagination...what you hear, see, feel, etc.

The strategies can be used for any skill a child wants to learn. You can also incorporate them when you're learning a new skill and talk about what you're doing, ask the child for another idea to help you learn your new skill, etc.

Next will be "Strategies to deal with people."