[newday]

Originally Posted by amytug

well I dont mind her being grumpy about what i originally asked her to go to her room about, it's being grumpy about my having her walk nicely that is annoying. does that make sense? And I want obedience not compliance. There is no reason for you to have an attitude toward me because I'm asking you to not walk like a dinosaur

And I am still in the camp that they n eed to have a happy heart. If my boss (I dont have one but figuratively speaking) asked me to clean up a mess I made- if I do it with an attitude that "I can't beelive he just asked me to clean this up- he's got 2 hands, he can clean it up himself" I'm going to feel gumpy and resentful. I dont need dd being grumpy and resentful. I"m going to help her have a happy heart when cleaning up her mess so that she's not resentful and grumpy.

wow amy, i honestly don't know how to manage that.
I am just happy when my dc let me know how they are feeling. I spent the first few years of parenting trying to get them to "act" a certain way (which really meant stuffing their feelings) and now I appreciate all the insight into their feelings they give me, even if it means they show the chip on their shoulder. We address it, and I also don't like it when they have a bad attitude about things like what you described above, but on the other hand, I don't usually expect them to show me that they feel differently than they really do.
For example, sometimes my daughter will roll her eyes when told something she doesn't like. My dh gets all bent out of shape because he HATES it when people roll their eyes (ask me how I know, and why I don't do it anymore). So he says, "you just rolled your eyes at me and that is very contemptuous. Unacceptable." I think he is overreacting and needs to give the girls a better vocabulary to express what is inside. When I see them roll their eyes I say, "I can tell by the look on your face that you aren't happy about this. When you finish *blank* I'll be happy to talk with you about it." And then at that time or later I say, "You rolled your eyes when I told you *blank*. You shouldn't do that because some people find it exceedingly rude. You could say that you don't agree though. Or you could say it makes you feel angry or sad...etc."

Does that make sense. Maybe you and I mean the same thing and I just wasn't getting it from your post.

I want obedience too. I am pretty sure it has to be given and it comes as they grow in respect and love toward me along with a real desire to do what is right over what they wish. (IDK?)