purplerose

Ever since I've found GBD/AP, the benefits of EN, babywearing, co-sleeping, I wish I would've listened to my instincts with my first two babies instead of waiting until being pg with my 3rd to apply these inmy life. I just did the "other things" because the seemed to be the "norm". I just HATE myself for listening to others instead of going with what I felt in my heart! First starting with the epi with my daughter. I was in a lot of pain and was going ok, but the people at L&D were like "well the pains going to get worse and the anesthiologist wont wait for you" My doc told me that the epi would slow things down, but it was up to me. I guess I felt pressured, so I got it. I had complications. And I listened to people who were telling me I'm "holding her too much" that I'm going to "spoil her", that I need to stop sleeping with her, to let her CIO! Then I bf DD, but started her on solids too soon b/c that's what "everybody" told me I should be doing, and that there wasn't really many benefits to bf'ing after 6 mos. And I'd get the comments like "You're STILL bf'ing her?" Well, at 7 mos she stopped nursing and I got pg with DS. Same thing with DS, but I held out longer. I carried him around more (after realizing that babies LOVE IT!!) I co-slept with him longer, and nurseed him longer. But still I stopped nursing him at 10 months, and just wish soooooooo bad that I would've kept doing it longer. I fell into the discipline of "time-outs, slaps on the bum or the hands" I hated doing it everytime and just felt sooooooooo guilty doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I just sometimes get sooooooooooooooooo mad at myself for not listening to my own mind and heart and listening to "others"!!! The same thing with the BCP and how NFP doesn't work. Well, we did it successfully for 8 mos and then decided to get pg with DS#2, who is due in September. NOw, I'm really wanting a natural labor and I'm getting the same comments from people. But this time, I'm NOT listening to them!!!!! The same with my decisions about not spanking, positive parenting gentle discipling, NOT putting DD in preschool. I used to leave my kids with people more often because I listened to them say "You need a break from your kids. It's better for them too" Maybe sometimes, but not as much as people were telling me to do it. And I still co-sleep, at least naps, with my children. And if they wake in the night, they come to our bed and we sleep with them. I LOVE being around my kids!!! I just wish sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much that I knew all this before I was pg with my first, so I could've enjoyed her more, instead of stressing aobut what others thought and listening to the comments of raising my kids! And now I get comments about being pg with #3 and wanting more. Now my DS seems to be showing interest in nursing again, and I want to let him, but would it be good for him, since he hasn't done it in 14 months? I just have colustrum right now. Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent and express my feelings. It's just nice to get them out with women I KNOW who understand me, won't judge me and will give me support! It's sooooooooooo hard to find it IRL, excpet for DH!!! But still, you know what I mean!! Thanks!!!