[Petie]

For me, I don't feel that my kids need to be "on" all the time, or cheery all the time. But if they are particularly difficult, as in, screaming, crying, throwing things, etc. Then I don't feel bad about saying they can't go play with their friends. While I can see that this concept could be used punitively very easily, i.e. "oh well, you didn't clean you plate off, you know, family gets your best" I don't feel it inherently does that. For us to put this into place it has to be a series of negative behaviors, fighting with sibs+refusing to do chores+yelling at me+refusing to do school work, that sort of thing. It isn't that they can't be themselves, but I'm sure that if dh came home from work and I started screaming at him, throwing things around, hitting him, and then said, "so where are we going for dinner tonight" he probably wouldn't be in the mood to take me out.