[Elwing]

Originally Posted by elcollins

I think I disagree with him on this point though - perhaps because I know how he intends 'training' to be done. In Tripp's perspective, training is based on fear of punishment, not trust in the relationship. Note that children can only question AFTER they have met their parent's standard of obedience - so he has action before understanding and before a solid relationship - not an obedience that comes from relationship. I can willingly obey God because I trust Him and His perfect will for my life. I can trust the consistancy of His love and His word. I think we as the parent work to build a solid foundation of trust between us and our children. They need to trust that we will bring them no harm; trust that we will follow through with our requirements; trust that we love them.

I agree that his methodology is inappropriate here, but I think he would agree with you that the relationship needs to be there, since he makes a huge point out of communication being so important, and understanding the real issues the child is dealing with and not just the surface problem. The problem is that he mixes up this with his idea that "spanking" or punishment is "God's commandment" which is so wrong.

I agree that the AFTER idea is a little confusing. How can their desires really be important to us, if they have to get started on obedience before they can say anything. On the other hand, I'm working with my son to ASK me instead of just announcing what he is going to do instead of what I just told him. So I think the way they approach the subject does need to be taught.

again I would say that you are helping them to learn to trust you - that you will follow through with your requirement - and that you will do it in a loving and consistant way.

Great point.