[Heather Micaela]

Originally Posted by Virginia

When I was "confronted" on Facebook about my recent blog post regarding gentle discipline (it was a "coming out" of sorts for me), I realized that I hadn't worked out within myself exactly why spanking "doesn't work" and therefore couldn't articulate it when I wanted to.

One person I want to be able to articulate to is DH. He was spanked growing up but has pretty good relationships with his parents

Ask him if he ever
*decided that the disobediant thing he wanted to do was worth the spanking
*was afraid to admit doing wrong to get out of a spanking
*lied to avoid a spanking
*processed by swapping spanking horror stories with his friends
*flinched when he saw a raised hand (or belt or spoon)
*figured all that mattered was whether or not he got caught
* was confused or angry because he did not know exactly why he got spanked (or figured it was not fair)


I was not spanked but I was raised with shaming as a huge discipline tool. I was a good kid and got along with my parents and do now. BUt I had automatic reactions and fears based on how I was parented. I went to counseling about them since I was already there for some ADHD stuff. And even with total reconciliation when I mess up my first instinct is to cover what I did and second is hearing the voice of my dad yelling in my head.


My goal is not obedience now and goes beyond getting along. It is raising mature ADULTS. Shortcuts lead to lesser end results and punishment/spanking is a shortcut. I want kids/adults who are not afraid own up to their mistakes, do right because they want to do the right thing, and are not carrying baggage and incorrect instincts.

---------- Post added at 02:35 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 PM ----------

Also - in many cases spanking DOESN'T work and you have to keep upping the ante.