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Old 05-24-2018, 01:53 PM   #20
Soliloquy
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Default Re: Unreasonable expectations for CRAZY 6 year old?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rainangel85 View Post
Oh to Mudpies:

About teaching her to handle her emotions. Um...Well I try to reason her through it, basically that HER reasons don't make any sense...so I'm probably wrong... I'm trying to learn to validate her feelings. Which can be hard when she is so unreasonable. i.e.
Is this child your oldest?

It can be hard to see someone else get special treatment. Especially when you have so little experience living on this earth. Remember, she's only been aware of things like birthdays and gifts for a few years. She has so little experience with them. If she acted like an adult, it would be worrisome. A child will have childish behavior. They rarely grow out of childish behavior because of lectures. It happens through experience.

I try to remind myself that I'm the scaffold, not the builder. God is the builder. It's my job to protect her from things that could seriously hurt her or someone else. On everything else, it's my job to help her stay within the plans but the rate of growth isn't determined by me.

Validating feelings is much more effective at helping people grow through difficulties.

"It's hard to see someone else get a present when you really want one, too."

"Your own birthday seems SO far away."

"It seems unfair for one person to get a present but not everyone else."

This helps them know that sadness and disappointment will come and go. But they don't have to feel alone.

Think about how hard it is for a woman who's had a traumatic birth experience to hear, "Just be thankful you have a healthy baby. Move on. Stop dwelling on it. " It's salt in the wound. It's not just children that need this. We all need it. And, by doing it with her, you'll be teaching her the skills she needs to have healthy relationships all her life.

One way I check myself is I ask if I'd be okay with my kids responding to each other the way I'm responding. If I don't want them yelling, barking orders, or being dismissive of the feelings of others, I need to check those behaviors in myself. And I do fail at this, too. We're all a work in progress.
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