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Old 08-07-2006, 09:21 AM   #26
pneumaphile
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Default Re: Permissiveness or GBD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by candle
Amy, I am sorry to keep up the questions, but your answers have been very helpful to me also as I have fallen into a rut as well. Thank you for the example above. It was very helpful.
It's really fine. But really, reading the stickies and also Joanne's site and Crystal's site will really, really help you get this.

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In this quote:

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I don't give warnings. I tell them what to do (instead of telling them to stop doing something) - if they don't do what I asked I go to them and help them do the right thing/find an activity. I don't care if they're angry and scream - that's their right to have those feelings.
What should I do when my ds throws a fit and I just got the baby down so I can finally put away the laundry, clean, or have a couple of minutes to rest myself? However, ds's fit may wake her up? I understand that he has a right to his feelings, but if it is infringing on dd's much needed naps then what do I do?
Well, I can't tell you what you should do. I'll tell you what I do, and that's remove my child from the room and go somewhere with him where I can be behind a closed door, so that he can tantrum without bothering other sleeping family members too much. I know that's not a perfect solution. Also keep in mind, if you let tantrums control you because you'll do anything to keep from waking the baby, he'll know that and continue to do it. They know surprisingly quickly what your buttons are.

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Also here is a question:

I am staying at my parent's home right now. Dinnertime: My dad just got home from a long day. He is in the mood for a nice relaxed dinner with his family. Ds is in a mood and throws a fit. I remove him from the situation and bring him downstairs. He doesn't want to be downstairs alone, but I left dd upstairs. She starts to fuss, I am hungry, my parents are trying to have a peaceful evening - what do I do?

Or another senario, ds is fine, but my mom cooked chicken. Ds doesn't eat meat, salad, etc. typically, just peanut butter, mac and cheese, etc. My mom thought that we should try filling his plate with all that we were eating both for health reasons and to get him to eat what had been cooked so that when I was on my own, I wouldn't have to cook two meals. After trying this one night and ds saying he wasn't hungry, pushing away his plate and going to play, my dad asked my mom and I what the difference was if he liked chicken now or 10 years from now, we did not have an answer. So I made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some carrots and a smoothie. Should I try to expand the list of foods he will eat or not and if so, how do I do it? I would love him to love greens. Some of my friend's children eat all kinds of salads. I think that would be so wonderful.
Wow, that's really, really hard. One year ago we lived for a month with my in-laws, it was the most stressful time of my life! I felt like I was parenting under a microscope, or in a fishbowl!

1. I do everything I can so that my inlaws can get their peace, but with the knowledge that sometime's that's not going to happen, because they're living with a toddler!

2. I'd make a "tantruming place" away from the rest of the house and that's where you tantrum. It's hard when both kids need you at once, I've many a time held one calm kid while staying in the room with a tantruming one, if the calm one wanted me.

3. You are the parent, so you get to decide what you do with regard to food. It's an individual decision. My personal choice is to make one dinner, and if they don't like it they can have a peanut butter sandwich or a bowl of cereal - nothing that has to be cooked/prepared, though. But it's your choice, whatever you're comfortable with. I get that your parents are trying to help you, but I guess my response would be to take it under advisement, think about it, and then decide what I'm comfortable with.

But it's so stressful! Definitely read the stickies, and definitely explore your own feelings about big feelings coming from your kids. I hope you're in a place to have your own space soon, stress levels will definitely go down.

I guess if I was on my own in my own place that I would only cook what dd and ds would eat since they would be the majority. lol

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