[ReedleBeetle]

Ok...sorry. I have been really sick. If I don't respond again for awhile, that is probably why. I'm sorry I haven't been able to give this the attention I would like to.


My son is adopted. He was adopted as an infant and had a lovely foster family, so we know that there is not likely anything like his experience there that caused any issues.

He also has high functioning autism. Because of that, he has intense sensory needs and some mild communication problems. The combination can lead to intense, intense tantrums and rages.

A little over year ago, we started working with a positive support autism program. They went through everything in our lives with a fine tooth come. It was greatly appreciated. We already had realized, years and years ago, that spank enforced the behavior we wanted to avoid. It was giving him the intense input he craved. So.....he craved input, he did things that earned him a spanking again, and then he was ok for a bit...maybe. By 1.5 years old, we were changing our parenting philosophy. We had started restraining him because his behaviors were so intense...to protect him and us. We restrained as a method of helping him until a little under a year ago.

The restraints had taken the place of spanking in the deep input realm. He was doing things to get restrained to get himself regulated. Wow. What an eye opening moment when we were able to put that together! So, followed a few months of detoxing from that and him learning to regulate himself. We still have a few occasions where we have to deal with the behaviors and he becomes unregulated and needs help, but now he gets support in ideas to help himself and we refuse to give him physical input in the way of restraining, spanking or anything that will reinforce those behaviors. He can ask for tickle time, big squeezy hugs, heavy work, etc....but he has to ask for these things calmly...he has to intiate them approriately.

Other things that might really help you are a few books that really helped us. The Explosive Child, The Out of Sync Child, The Out of Sync Child Has Fun, and Dealing with Disappointment all have really helpful ideas and ways of looking at things.

I also agree with what CelticJourney is saying about the break and trying to find out if he can push you to not love him. That is a sad reality of adoption. These children have already experienced, far too often, that love isn't something you can assume will be.