[MariJo7]

A six year old is still very little boy. In the situation you described, he was playing football with older children and he did not "play the rules". Did he understand the rules? Were they understandable to his level of age, or to the level of development he is in right now?

I do feel for your little fellow even I've never been a little boy myself . When I was little I can remember having tantrums. Often they occurred in contexts were some kind of "games with rules" were involved. I can remember I hated "competitions" of any kind and all games with rules that were about "winning or loosing". Often I could not even understand the rules. The only thing I was able to understand was, that I was not succesful in "the game" and I was "loosing" and did not know why. I also understood that the others were having fun but I did not, and somehow I suspected they were having fun at my expence. Well, that made me mad, and being a clumsy, non-sportive 6yo with just average verbal and social skills, the only thing I could do was to throw a tantrum. My good dad, who was not a Christian (Thank's to God!), did not really believe in spanking, but sometimes he lost his patience with me in such a situation and spanked me anyway. I still think it was very unfair to force me to join a competition and then to punish me because I did not like it and actually only wanted to do something else but could not tell it.

(Please, do not get me wrong about my dad. I loved my dad and after I got saved I prayed for his salvation also. Because what I saw around me, I DID however thank God I did not have Christian parents when I was little, but just average, "normal" parents.)

I still do not enjoy competitive games. As an adult, I now have the skills to politely decline and to do something else, but 6 year olds are not yet bestowed with great social graces. . I still can not understand why especially boys are expected to enjoy competitions and games with rules all the time. Perhaps your boy would enjoy some non-competitive activities much better, sch as observing birds, collecting plants, growing vegetables or doing some cooking together or caring for an animal or reading books...

I'm very glad to hear you have not spanked him. That may have looked like an easy option but actually it is a trap. I'm glad you did not fall for it. Even James Dobson advises not to use spanking if there is a suspicion of a development disorder or any other need for therapy or if the adopted child has a traumatic background. What is your boy's background? What do you know about it? If a 6-year old wants to be spanked (that's what I understood from your story), there must have been something wrong with where place he comes from. It is not normal for a 6yo to "crave for yelling and punishment". The things you tell about him make me suspect somebody, perhaps his birth mother, has used the Pear methods on him, or Ted Tripp methods.