[ValiantJoy07]

it sounds like there is a bit more for him going on than the average child. hopefully some one with experience with adopted children can chime in.

In those situations I *try* to put myself in their place. How would I feel if I was littler and not as good, and didn't have the maturity or life experience to tell me I was littler and had less practice and that it was okay?

I would want some one to sympathize and validate those feelings of frustration. As a Mom I would still hold the natural consequence that "no one wants to play with a cheater" and pull the child from play. Also, it is my job as the parent to recognize when my kid has hit their limit for interaction, or is hungry/tired. I would have pulled him away the minute he was losing it/ the other kids were calling him on the cheating. We would have said "you look like you could use a snack" and taken him for a drink and a snack in the car. I would have pulled out my emergency "this kid is done and we're in damage control mode" activity that I keep in the car (audio books, lacing toys, kindle, me reading aloud, tanegrams) if we couldn't just leave then and there.

Tantrums are a sign that some thing is out of sync. Spanking some times stops them- it doesn't fix what is causing the tantrum. My middle dd rages regularly. For her there is a strong sensory component. She lacks body awareness and seeks feeling and grounding for her body by acting out aggressively or rolling around on the floor screeching because her body feels BAD. She doesn't have the maturity to stop and choose a peaceful calm way to help ground herself...she Just snaps.

I could spank her and stop her tantrums, it actually does work well because it gives her input and feeling to her body she craves . It doesn't teach her to recognize that her BODY has a need, and she can meet that need constructively. I try to be the problem solver, she is heading for a meltdown - I can guess what the trigger is (she needs input to her sensory input , or her blood sugar is low, she is thirsty and doesn't recognize the sensation, she is tired ) and meet the need as best I can.
I can't always stop the tantrums, but I can always learn from them and know where she is and what she can handle, and what she can't. Some times that means I have to treat her like a little toddler in what freedom I give her (she can't handle being out late in the evening, so we get her to bed at her regular time...she can't handle playing in certain environments with out being triggered for a meltdown, so we try to set her up for success by avoiding those environments until she has better coping skills/more maturity)...some times she hits a new developmental leap and we enjoy new freedoms, other times she regresses and we have to evaluate.

When you have a kid who has a hard time with regulating their emotions beyond the toddler years, you have to look at why. And as a parent it is our job to set them up for success so they can learn to self regulate: that is the goal.

Stuffing feelings because they are afraid of being hurt just makes the issue worse.