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Old 10-19-2018, 07:04 PM   #11
gerberadaisy
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Default Re: refusing to do chores

Quote:
Originally Posted by MegMarch View Post
My DD is turning 8 in a few weeks. I've found that she responds best to written lists. Ideally she makes them herself. She likes that. But it can be a delay tactic too Anyway, they have to be pretty detailed or she gets overwhelmed. But something like:

Pick up everything by the nightstand side of the bed
Pick up everything on the other side
Pick up everything between the bed and closet
Tidy bed
Laundry to hamper
Shoes in she organizer

And sometimes I ask her to take my phone and take a picture so we can see what she's missed and needs to do again. I have her do that to give her a chance to look with fresh eyes before I give my feedback.

As for stuff like you posted, missing activities happens here, unless it ends up punishing her friends. So a playdate we won't miss, but we would miss a party where she'd be less missed. And if I have to do a lot of the work, I will usually put her stuff in my closet for a few months. I let her know that if I have to do the work, it goes up because most days I have enough of my own work to do.
He has a checklist & I am in the process of making it more detailed but haven't had the time to type it all up. If I allowed him to make the list each time, it would absolutely be a stall tactic.

I wouldn't punish a friend or other people either but I have had this problem on the day of a birthday party where he ended up going late. I would have him miss that because birthday girl had other friends & family there but fortunately he decided he needed to get it done & got there late. This weekend we're cleaning up his playroom & hopefully labeling bins so he can't say "I don't know where this goes". So really today, I just needed his toys IN the play area & didn't care so much about them being put away - as long as I wasn't tripping over them. He did pick a few things out of my dust pile because I told him I wasn't waiting any longer to do MY chores. He was not happy but my not so sympathetic response was "next time you'll pick them up the first time I tell you."

---------- Post added at 09:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:39 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacat View Post
He is still very young. And that can mean not mature enough for our expectations sometimes or how we would like them to be at a certain age. Even at age 10ish I remember having to be very specific with my kids about clean up projects unless it was more broad like vacuum the carpet in the family room or feed the dog his scoop of fod. Is he the kind of processor like Meg described that would do better with a list?glad he got it done in time.
Yep, we figured out a while back that he likes a checklist so made one. I know I have to update it to make some things more specific. I was right there telling him what to do next but stopped when he began playing. More than two hours later, he finished it without my help, input, or reminder because I think he knew I was serious about missing the party. I did remind him of one or two things he needed to do but he seemed to "remember" what he needed to do at the last minute.

---------- Post added at 10:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:44 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katigre View Post
I do "if then" for chores, they can't move on to the next fun thing until the chore is done. We start this when they're 3-4, and it is very effective in making the boundary that chores aren't optional. Now all my kids have become pretty good at getting their work done, bc they don't want to miss doing the fun thing that comes next.
We do that as well. For something that is going to happen shortly after he is done, it usually works with a bit of a fight but usually quicker. This was sort of my "if then" scenario but I guess the reward was too far away to motivate him until it was closer.

What do you do in an "if then" scenario when they still don't want to move? Do you allow them to play? watch TV? etc. I'm sure it can depend on what is required to be done but I can see him just screaming what a mean mommy I am - which is OK but obviously not ideal.
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MegMarch (10-19-2018)
 
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