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Old 06-14-2009, 12:36 AM   #10
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Default Re: Collected Past Posts about Biting

continued from previous post. . .

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: MamatoLLL on September 05, 2005, 07:49:48 PM
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Thanks for all the advice and hugs. I feel like such a dork for needing to be reminded of this stuff cause I do know it I just fail the "tests" of practical application. And yes, yes, yes, Lennon IS that extra physical child all around. He has been hurting us all since he was very tiny too. His head is like a brick and I have had bruises on my face more than once from getting bonked just because he flings himself at me/ on me all the time. He's just ROUGH! So I think it's a combination of all of the above: teeth, frustration and lack of verbal skills, age, and his tendency to express himself very physically anyway.

I'm going to try these things at home: closer observation when he's getting excited or frustrated, teethers as an alternative if he tries or succeeds in biting someone, and giving him words to use when frustrated.

I don't know what to do about church yet. I really look forward to being able to enjoy the service- some weeks it's the only break I get from my kids at all, and dh HATES bringing him into service- we did it a few times when we first started going there and ds was really disruptive. I could go in the class with him but again, I'd REALLY miss that time of worship and encouragement. Dh is starting to play in the worship band so he won't be available to take turns staying w/ him. I dunno, I may just have to sacrifice for a while until this passes. It just makes me feel like what's the point of even going then? Might as well just stay home with him. What a bad attitude I know, but really! :/

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: sammiesmomma on September 07, 2005, 12:17:47 PM
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I had to look at your location to make sure you didn't go to my church! LOL!

DD got bit this past weekend in the nursery at church. Honestly, it's the first time another child has ever hurt her. And I was angry about it. I refused to find out who the kid was for fear that I would treat him differently in the future when I work in the nursery. I do know from another nursery worker though...that it was not the first time that it had happened...he had biten kids before.

From what you describe, my first line of defense would be to teach him an acceptable way to communicate what he's feeling. You are doing ok in the fact that you are not tolerating the behaviour....but what we focus on is what we get more of. In other words, it's ok to say no biting, biting hurts, but make sure to include...if you wanted that toy then say, "I wanted that toy." GIVE your child the words he needs in place of just removing the action that is unwanted...and focus on what IS appropriate. Sometimes it will help to ask him to repeat what you just said "I wanted that toy." and then praise him for using those words.

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: ArmsOfLove on September 07, 2005, 12:55:47 PM
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lots of preverbal children do these things

& when I was teaching Kindergarten Sunday School there were children who were still biting--it happens

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: MamatoLLL on September 08, 2005, 12:02:12 PM
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Crystal, thanks. I know it happens, it just stinks that it's MY child that is doing it!

Sammies mom, sorry your dd got hurt. I think it's great that you didn't want to know who bit- when I worked in daycare that was our policy, to not tell the parent of the child who got bit, who did the biting, because some parents would want to confront the other parents about it, as if they could prevent something that was happening when they werent even present!

I have good news to report- one of the moms of a child my son bit actually invited us over for dinner the other night since she knew my dh was out of town so I felt really good about the fact that she obviously wasn't holding it against us! AND Lennon did great, no biting or even aggression while we were there, just two little fights over toys and the other mom and I were right on top of it before anything happened. AND I really enjoyed hanging out with her and hope to further a friendship with her.

NO'W if we can just make it through this weekend's camping trip with my family including my brother's 3 kids, (one of whom is also going through a biting stage) without major incident......

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Title: ~Response to biting~
Post by: Mommy on October 23, 2006, 10:09:40 AM
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I know know know all of the sensory stuff going on and I am addressing it, and I know supervision and victim education are BIG deterents to biting- but what should my response be when my 22 month old daycare child bites or attempts to bite? Currently I have physically stopped him from biting- which ussually causes a melt to the floor tantrum, which I respond to with a bear hug while whispering in his ear about how we need to be kind to our friends- biting hurts- which ussually results in him wanting his blankie. His mom has said he is only allowed ti have his blankie while in the playpen- so I put him in there and move all of us into the room with the playpen- so it doesn't "feel" like a time out, and he chews his blanket and then asks to get out- I let him out reminding him that we need to be nice to our friends. I just feel like I need to do more- there are 5-7 attempts at biting each day- I'm giving him tons of sensory, tons of attention. Is my need for more of a response the punitive in me coming out? (Bear mama- it is my child he tries to bite 99% of the time) Or is there more I should be doing?

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Title: Re: ~Response to biting~
Post by: 4blessings on October 23, 2006, 10:29:16 AM
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It sounds like you're handling it really well. I don't know, though. I've never had a biter, just a biting victim. Is there something his mother would let him carry around to chew on?

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Title: Re: ~Response to biting~
Post by: Wholly Mama on October 24, 2006, 12:40:05 AM
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In our house we have a couple of "chew toys". A chewy blanket and a chewy bunny. If one of my children is having a hard time keeping their mouth off of others, I give them a chew toy and let them know that chewing people is not appropriate, but chewing the blankie/bunny is appropriate.
Definately sensory issues.
It's unfortunate that his mother only lets him have his blankie for such a limited place and time, as it is obviously a comfort to him and an opportunity to chew appropriately.
Try offering crunchy foods to snack on.

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Title: Re: ~Response to biting~
Post by: Joanne on October 24, 2006, 04:31:15 PM
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You're doing great!

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Title: Re: ~Response to biting~
Post by: ArmsOfLove on October 25, 2006, 01:38:34 PM
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I think you're doing fine And I agree with having some chew toys you can hand him that won't violate her blankie rule but will give him textural stimulation in the moment

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Title: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: Hopeful on January 10, 2007, 07:18:57 AM
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OK, this is probably an obvious one but how do I use (if at all) the 5 step technique with our 17mo who bites us for fun? He's playing but it's not acceptable to us. If we yell 'OOWW!!' (which is our natural reaction, he thinks it's hilarious. If we pretend to cry like he does, he giggles or just stares at us. If we ignore him he carries on until we react.

Is 17mo too young for the 5 step technique?

If not, please can someone talk me thru step by step how we should do it?

ETA: although he understands a lot he's not talking yet

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: Rabbit on January 10, 2007, 08:30:38 AM
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I'm hopping on board your thread as well, with an extra question: What's a gentle way to unlatch their little teeth, once they're sunk into the flesh of a parent or a sibling?

Samantha bites when she's anxious and wants to make her brother laugh. She got it from me nibbling on her feet to make her laugh. She has no ability to "nibble." She chomps down until Simon is screaming, which startles her more, and makes her tighten her grip, which makes him scream more. I panic and thwap the top of her head repeatedly until she lets go to look up at me, usually sobbing at this point, so that I have two sobbing babies in need of soothing. Clearly, this is not a gentle way, and it is not working for us.

Pardon me for throwing my baggage into your question, but I am really interested in a discussion on biting when it isn't done out of aggression, anger or frustration.

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: caringmommy on January 10, 2007, 08:43:28 AM
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Here's been my experience with biting. All of my kids have bit me or siblings at one time or another, but my second was the worst. It was about that time that I discovered this board. The big shift for me was when I realized that for him it was a form of communication. Since he wasn't talking, that's how he communicated how he was feeling. That changed my job from stopping the biting to trying to teach a better form of communicating. It helped me to take the stigma out of being a "biter." Honestly, the thing that worked the best was just time. We started doing our best to try head him off before he had a chance to bite. I would say that this is one case where 5 steps is too many. We would go to him immediately and say "NO Biting. Biting hurts." Then try to reflect whatever feelings caused the biting - for him it would be frustration or anger. If he's biting to play I'd probably just follow it up with, "if you want to play, try tickling (or whatever is acceptable to you." I don't know if that helps at all, but that's what worked for us.

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: canadiyank on January 10, 2007, 11:31:34 AM
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Natalie - can you stick your pinkie in to "unlatch" the pitbull? That might put your finger at risk, though.

Hopeful - can you determine the motivation behind the biting? I would try to address that, in addition to stopping the behaviour..."Stop, biting hurts. Oh, you're angry!" Labelling the emotion helps them be able to say that in the future instead of biting.

Another thing to consider is teething. My kids bit a lot more when they were teething.

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on January 10, 2007, 11:40:10 AM
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A few thoughts. To use the 5 Steps with this situation I would speak step one "You need to use a gentle mouth. Biting hurts" WHILE I'm DOING step 4 and "helping" them both not bite and unlatch if they do. To prevent biting if you see it coming you can use your pointer finger very gently laid on its side--put it under his chin and gently push up so that he can't open his mouth.

I would also up his oral stimulation--drink lemonade, hot drinks, cold drinks, suck ice, use a straw, spicy foods, soft/hard/different texture foods, etc.

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: Rabbit on January 10, 2007, 06:32:23 PM
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In calm moments, and when I see she's getting rowdy and winding up to that point, and after a biting event, we talk about "Kisses! Only kisses! No teeth!" and it's working as far as reducing how often it happens. On her own, she substitutes toys and other appropriate items for biting on. She's not biting her brother as often as even once a week. I've tried sticking my fingers into her mouth to unlatch her, but I'm afraid of jabbing her with my nails, even though they're short, and I still can't do anything to pull her teeth apart like that. I'm afraid she's going to do Simon real damage because it's usually his fingers or his toes that she's latched on to, and those joints are fragile.
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