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Old 06-11-2009, 04:41 AM   #8
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Default Re: Collected Past Posts about Biting

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Title: saying "ouch"
Post by: kosmom on March 24, 2005, 01:44:56 PM
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I liked Joanne's advice on another thread about giving very descriptive boundaries (like "sharp!" "hot!" "ouch!", etc.) And we do that with our 19 m.o. He is very good at recognizing "hot". And sometimes it stops him in his tracks if I say "that's dada's, not kaemon's". MOST of the time he will not pursue it, unless he's just really tired or feeling really determined
However, the "ouch" thing is kind of wierd. He knows what it means. I think. But last night, while I was nursing dd, he was stepping on my bare feet (at first, accidentally) so I said "ouch. hurts mama" And he kind of stopped, but the second time he did it and I said "ouch, hurts mama!" a little more firmly, he looked down at my feet, stepped on them, and said "ow" "ow, ow, ow" almost like he's wanting to get the response out of me. So it makes me want to stop saying "ow". Those little Nikes HURT!!!!

Any other way to teach a child that they are hurting you, without actually hurting them? (Which is the only advice I had ever gotten before GCM...if they bite you, bite them back gently...if they pull your hair, tug on theirs....) I want to find a better way, but I also want him to stop hurting us intentionally. And at least it is not very often that he does this, and it's never "his" idea to start it...he does it as a response to an accident. So maybe, in a way, he is exploring what "hurt" is all about, and will eventually "get it"? It's almost like he's conducting an experiment to see what happens when he steps on toes, presses on heads (his baby sisters), squeezes wrists, "drums" on my legs, etc.

Any ideas?

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Title: Re: saying "ouch"
Post by: Quietspirit on March 25, 2005, 06:48:18 AM
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He is very young. And you are right in that he is figuring it out by doing. That's very normal developmentally.

You can tell him, holding his hand or foot firmly, "NO. Hitting (stomping, biting) hurts!" Make it firm not gentle. He needs to hear it in your voice (not yelling of course...more like lower and firm) that this is different than game time, play time, cuddle time, etc. By using a lower firm voice combined with "NO. Hitting hurts" while physically stopping him he should get the message. You can also move away from him while he does it. Not out of the room of course, but several feet away.

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Title: Last night
Post by: Bookmommy on July 24, 2006, 08:00:59 AM
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Last night I start getting DD ready for bed around 9 pm. We brush her teeth change her but etc. She knows that after her teeth are brushed she is not allowed to have anymore juice but she can have water. So I found her sippy cup in the living room and she caught me out of the corner of her eye. She said let me finish my juice. I said you have already brushed your teeth and went to the kitchen. She followed me and bit me on my but check. Okay don't laugh it hurt like crud. I did not know what to do, so I said you are not getting water because you bit me and you know bitting hurts. She fake cried for a minute and then it was over. I went to my bedroom because I was angry. She came in a few minutes latter and said I bite you and I said yes it hurt. Why did you bit me she said I like to.

So my question is what should I have done? I know she was not going to get dehydrated because she did not get the little bit of water I was going to give her. But I did feel a little bad.

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Title: Re: Last night
Post by: Joanne on July 24, 2006, 08:57:24 AM
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So my question is what should I have done? I know she was not going to get dehydrated because she did not get the little bit of water I was going to give her. But I did feel a little bad.
It can be so hard to act gently and firmly when our body boundaries have been violated.

I would have said "No biting! Biting hurts!" and offered her other words "You can say 'Mom, I'm angry, I wanted juice" but you may not bite.

Then I would have given her the water and put her to bed.

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Title: Re: Last night
Post by: pneumaphile on July 24, 2006, 11:07:48 AM
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I am in the habit of "hiding" food and drink that are in sight before brushing teeth, for precisely that reason! My kids see it and they want it.

Also, I have occasionally (not every night, maybe three times in the last two years) relented on food or drink with the caveat that now they have to re-brush their teeth.

I have nothing to add to Jo's answer, it's what I would do, too. Just wanted you to know you're not alone - my kids feel very strongly about wanting what they see, also!

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Title: How do I handle this?
Post by: Mama Rophe on February 10, 2006, 10:35:36 PM
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My 19 month old will hit and bite us. It is not done out of anger sometimes frustration. Mostly he does it when he is playing. We tell him that hitting isn't right. But he just laughs and contunues to do it. What can we do to help him stop this?

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Title: Re: How do I handle this?
Post by: milkmommy on February 10, 2006, 10:49:39 PM
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Hitting and biting whie playing or other forms of aggression (even if not intentional) with mommy means mommy stops playing and walks away for a bit. Its inaapropiate so we stop.

Deanna

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Title: Re: How do I handle this?
Post by: lavender mom on February 10, 2006, 11:47:30 PM
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My 16 month old DD does this on occassion (she also does it in anger, but that's a different thing!) When she's doing it as a sort of rough play, we say "gentle pats." Usually that's enough to change her behavior, but sometimes well also pat her gently to show her what a "gentle pat" is.

When she bites in playfulness, we tell her to give us kisses instead ("gentle kisses") , and that seems to help her too. I'm sort of surprised that this one works, but I've used it with both kids, and it hasn't confused them.

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Title: What SHOULD I have done when my 3 y.o. bit my 1 y.o.?
Post by: lavender mom on September 29, 2005, 05:04:44 PM
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It caught me so off guard! They were happily playing while I was on the other side of the room. All of the sudden I hear a horrible scream from DD. DS hides his head in the couch like he does when he's done something wrong and I find a huge bite mark on DD's hand. I'm fairly sure he didn't bite in anger/frustration. He's never bitten anyone before. A couple of months ago he was behaving aggressivly towards DD when he was frustrated with her or me, but he's been much better for at least a month, maybe 2. Back when he was having a hard time being gentle with DD, she did bite him once. I'm wondering if this is where it came from? Was he experimenting?

Anyway, would be a good response in this situation? (I won't share what I did. Let's just say it was not my most proud GBD moment.)

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Title: Re: What SHOULD I have done when my 3 y.o. bit my 1 y.o.?
Post by: Mamatoto on September 29, 2005, 05:10:28 PM
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Is he getting molars? My kids bite each other and me when they are getting molars.

I would probably make a big fuss over the hurt person's hand and show the one who bit how much that hurt. I would ask them to get a cold rag for the other one's hand and help them to feel better. Then I would say that we don't hurt each other in this family and that I do not want to see anymore biting like that again.

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Title: Re: What SHOULD I have done when my 3 y.o. bit my 1 y.o.?
Post by: lavender mom on September 29, 2005, 05:26:41 PM
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, nope, no molars. That's part of what beffles me- he doesn't fit the typical "biter profile" right now.

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Title: Re: What SHOULD I have done when my 3 y.o. bit my 1 y.o.?
Post by: Close2MyHeart on September 30, 2005, 05:15:45 AM
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My 3 yo recently bit my 4 yo! I was shocked because he had never done that before!!! I took my boys and stood them face to face. I asked Michael to pick up his shirt and show NJ the bite mark and then tell him how he felt. NJ looked shocked and said "Oh, I'm sorry, Michael" and that was that. He hasn't bit again. But your 1 yo is too young to describe how it made her feel, but maybe you could talk for her?

BTW, my 3 yo wasn't doing it for aggression either... they were just wrestling happily and he did it w/out really thinking about it.

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Title: I have a little biter
Post by: gentlebirth on October 20, 2005, 10:18:15 AM
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She's 13 mo, teething, and gets very frustrated when she's sleepy, teeth are hurting etc...and she gets an angry look on her face, tenses up, clenches her hands and BITES

I've been firmly telling her no, making the "hurt" sign (which she understands), putting her down, redirecting her towards something she can bite...when the message gets across, she gets really tense and bites herself. I feel like it's a build-up of tension and frustration for her, not being able to clearly express how she's feeling. She has a pretty intense disposition (which I understand, because I do to ). What can I do to break this habit? We're consistant, but it seems that especially with each new tooth, it's the same thing all over again.

Any suggestions?

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Title: Re: I have a little biter
Post by: lavender mom on October 20, 2005, 01:18:52 PM
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That sounds just like my 13 m.o. DD! I'm trying the same strategies. I know when DS went through his biting phase, it took awhile to move through it, and he wasn't as much of a biter as DD is. He was experimenting. My DD is like yours- biting when she's really frustrated. I'm hoping it's something time will fix.

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Title: Re: I have a little biter
Post by: mom2threePKs on October 20, 2005, 02:46:13 PM
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Sounds like she needs a physical outlet for her frustration and anger and big feelings. I'd start working on an angry dance with her. Very big exagerrated motions. If she bites herself or goes to bite her self, help her express herself physically, stomping feet, waving her arms, etc.

Magan

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Title: Re: I have a little biter
Post by: gentlebirth on October 20, 2005, 02:47:38 PM
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Quote:
Sounds like she needs a physical outlet for her frustration and anger and big feelings. I'd start working on an angry dance with her. Very big exagerrated motions. If she bites herself or goes to bite her self, help her express herself physically, stomping feet, waving her arms, etc.

Magan
I'll have to try this one as soon as she's sturdy on her feet

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Title: Re: I have a little biter
Post by: BornFreeBaby on October 21, 2005, 04:49:13 AM
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This can be so hard...especially when they bite you and your first pain reaction is to get mad at them. My dd (23 mo.) is just starting to get into this phase. (Not a teething thing, but a "I have power" thing, which I have heard can start around 2) She bit me the other day and all I could think of to say was- biting is for food, not people! I said it a bit harsh, and she started crying. I gave her a hug after, and felt like I wasnt' sure if I did the right thing. I am always looking for other tools to use for this before she bites someone else. It sounds to me like you did a great job in your situation. I like the idea of giving them another outlet for their feelings, like the angry dance. Since your dd is still working on the walking thing, maybe give her a wooden spoon and some pots and pans? Dd LOVES to bang on them.

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Title: She BIT Jack!!!!
Post by: LadyBird on May 09, 2006, 09:03:50 PM
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Geez. I know this is something that is probably quite predictable, and I knew that something like this would eventually happen, but I wasn't anywhere as near prepered for it like I thought I was. I just freaked out!

Jack was in his bouncer on the table about three feet from me, and Elizabeth was sitting on the table next to him playing with him, and talking to him etc....I am at the computer, not really watching them but every other minute or so...I can see them both out of the corner of my eye. Well, all of the sudden there is the blood curdling scream coming from Jack and I jump up to see what is the matter and Elizabeth is looking really guilty and had his hand in hers. ..It had slobber on it, and a bite mark! Two teeth marks just above his pinkie and ring finger nuckles! I totally lost it and screamed at her. She was covering her eyes with one arm and her ear with the other as if to block me out. "I screamed that we don't bite anyone in this house or any other!". I immediately sent her to time out, and she went willingly. I left her there for at least 3-4 minutes, which is much longer than I usually do. And then I went to her and got down on her level and very sternly repeated that we don't bite. That she bit Jack's finger and it hurt him, and never ever to do that again. I then sent her to the bedroom to get into bed...and changed Jack's diaper. She was crying and whining for me inbetween looking out the window and bouncing on the bed. So, I guess that is her age coming through.

I know she is too young to really understand the consequences of her actions, and I am sure she was just checking it out to see what would happen if she did chomp down. I think it shocked her too. Well, anyway, I then tucked her in and kissed and hugged her and told her that I loved her very much, and that we should be sweet to her brother. Then I asked her if she wanted to kiss Jack and tell him she was sorry. She did. It was pretty sweet and I was much calmer by then.

I know I probably shouldn't have flown off the handle like that and screamed.....well I yelled. Screaming is a bit louder than what I did. But still. Hardly GBD techniques. I found myself thinking afterwards that at least I didn't totally lose it and have the urge to spank her! So that was a positive. What do you do in such a situation to get your point across yet not be so loud?

I hope she doesn't try it again, but I guess I have to be prepared given her age. Sorry for rambling. Just needed to get this out there and hear from all the other very experienced mamas out there that have been through this! Thanks for listening.

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Title: Re: She BIT Jack!!!!
Post by: Wholly Mama on May 09, 2006, 11:22:02 PM
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Hugs, mama!! That is such a hard place to be in. This is the situation that pushed me over into spanking land 5 1/2 years ago. Older siblings biting baby siblings is so frustrating, but so normal, at the same time.
I think it would be a good idea to explore some of her feelings with her. Yes, I'm sure she loves her sweet little brother, but I'm sure she dislikes him as well. He cries and poops and needs mama a lot of the time. Whereas she used to be the only one who received your attention, she now needs to share you with someone else - someone who can't even play with her!
I'm concerned about your use of time outs. Have you thought about having a comfort corner/cuddle corner instead? Forced isolation can really make kids feel even more resentful toward siblings, I think.

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Title: Re: She BIT Jack!!!!
Post by: LadyBird on May 09, 2006, 11:42:23 PM
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Have you thought about having a comfort corner/cuddle corner instead?
I don't honestly know the difference. But I am certainly willing to learn! Especially after DD woke up crying/sobbing and calling out to me. I went in and got her. She was very clingy ( poor thing, I must have traumatized her! ) and now she is much better. She is playing on the computer with Elmo and it is wayyy past our bedtimes. I would love to hear about the comfort corner though! Thanks!

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Title: Re: She BIT Jack!!!!
Post by: Wholly Mama on May 10, 2006, 03:18:28 PM
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I don't honestly know the difference.
Here's a link to the sticky about time-outs vs comfort corners:
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...p?topic=1473.0
And here's a link to a comfort corner discussion that might give you some ideas:
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...hp?topic=499.0

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