[tempus vernum]

A few comments on last weeks last thread - I am still catching up

Originally Posted by Praise

I say "I want" all the time too! I'm finding that being assertive is requiring that I change at a deep level. My family always half-joked that I was "bossy" and I think I've tried very hard to not wear that label. So hard, that I think I have swung to the opposite end of the spectrum. It feels wrong (like I'm being a drill sargent) to command my kids, even though I know that that is my job.

This is such a hard transition. By always saying "You need" before a "directive" you are giving kind clean cut directions. By speeching in a normal tone of voice and keeping eye contact on the child, you are making sure your words have meaning.

Originally Posted by Amber

So has anyone come up with a good way to get their dh's to stop being passive and move towards being more assertive with the kids? My dh is sooooo passive in his wording of things. It drives me bonkers because the kids don't respond to it very well. I know he is trying to be "nice", but it is so confusing to the kids when he asks "Cole, why don't you come help me clear the table" and Cole says "No" then he changes it to "No, Cole. You need to come help."

I have told my dh directly - "when you ask them instead of tell them (or say "I want you to _________), it sounds like you are giving them an option to say no. I hear you saying "Come to the dinner table"." and if he's not in a bad mood he accepts that and actually turns around and says "come to the dinner table."

Honestly, my dh even corrected me yesterday . I was lecturing instead of directing and he stopped me. I had told him I was working on it

It felt like a major victory because we tend to unintentionally be passive agressive with one another - it's how we were raised . It's about minor things but we are working to not treat one another that way and it's really improving. To hear him recognize something I was doing that was not a parenting ideal we share, really felt AWESOME

Originally Posted by Shnooky

I am I had a baby checkup at the hospital today and I took the kids they were so good! Ketia walked with the pram from the carpark to the hospital (unlike last time when she ran away), and she sat on the seat or on the floor next to the pram while we were waiting for the appointment, I had a packet of chips for them to share, Ata sat in the pram. And we read some books and watched the Pope's plane take off on the TV. And then when I went into the appointment they both played with the toys in the doctors office and then they BOTH packed up when they were told, and we walked calmly back to the car and came home!

I bet that felt AMAZING!