[twoplustwo]

Originally Posted by forty-two

Does she actually *want* to learn to appreciate this "stupid stuff", though?

I mean, I was definitely out-of-step with most teens as a teen, but while I wanted to not be left out, I didn't really want to *be* in-step with them, just accepted by them - I didn't want to change the things I liked or spent time doing. The internet essay "Why Nerds are Unpopular" pretty much summed up my teen years: yes, I was unpopular, and I didn't like being unpopular, but when it came down to it, I was not willing to do what it took to *be* popular. If the price of being popular is having to continually spend a huge chunk of one's time on "stupid stuff" - time that could have been spent on better things - then maybe not being popular, not connecting, is worth the cost .

This is totally my dd. Twice she has mentioned about not being popular. The first time she said something in late Elementary and I said - do you want to be popular? And she said, not really, I just don't understand it.

The 2nd time was last year in 6th grade (middle school). She said "I am not really popular, but it would be so much work to try and be popular. I can't imagine having to do that." I said exactly, you have your music and soccer and scouts. Maybe the girls who are really good at being popular that is because they treat it like a travel sport - it's their thing and they put the effort into it. And I said the important thing is that you are happy and you have several close friends. And she agreed, she likes what she likes and she likes her friends who are like her. And honestly I am proud of her and her desire to not want to be like "the group". I love it. But not everyone places value on that, so it's hard being a teen.

My ds on the other hand is deeply involved in how he looks and dresses and you can just tell by the way he sits and walks he is cool (or thinks he is anyway).