[joysworld]

Originally Posted by BarefootBetsy

Yep - especially the lying

FWIW, I also have a good relationship with my parents as an adult. They also respect the fact that my kids are MY kids and that I've chosen not to spank them My dad doesn't understand why on earth we would choose this, but he doesn't interfere and I don't need him to understand why, I just need him to leave me alone and not bug me about it so we're good.

My mom's totally supportive of us not spanking. She was raised in an abusive household and when I shared with her Dr. Sears' list of people who should never spank... yeah... she agreed that she probably should never have gone down that path. I have anger issues (takes a lot to make me mad, but if I'm really angry, I'd be afraid I'd hit them and never stop) so I'm definitely on Dr. Sears' "should not spank" list also.

But see... my parents didn't JUST spank They also taught me things in positive ways between spankings. I appreciate that they cared about me enough to raise me in a way that they thought was best. I appreciate that they loved me enough to set firm boundaries. I wish they'd been able to do those things without spanking, but they didn't know any differently.

Simply put: I want better for my children. I've never hit them - yelling is what I struggle with since hitting was never an option I let myself have in the first place - but I struggle with yelling almost daily. I'm getting better, but it's hard.

So I don't see myself as a victim or anything like that. Someone came on Dare to Disciple a while back and said he was so sad to read adult children from good Christian homes who had victim complexes and yadda yadda. Um... clearly that fellow doesn't know me at all if that's what he thinks! I have great respect for my parents and love for them and a good relationship with them, but none of those things would make it okay for me to spank my children - HIT them.

They are tiny compared to me. Nothing would make me HITTING my CHILDREN be an okay thing. No matter how "okay" I turned out. No matter how good my relationship with my parents is. No matter that my parents mitigated the negative effects of spanking quite a lot by teaching me constantly in other ways. I know better than that and it's on ME to do better for my kids.

I think this is very important. The relationship between parent and child, I believe, is an important factor when an adult has issues with their parents spanking. I know several people who were spanked as a child, and have great relationships with their parents. The thing is, there was a great amount of connecting with the child in between the spankings. Some of these people spank their children, and see a clear distinction between spanking and hitting. Other friends of mine, have decided not to spank, but not because they have issues with their parents spanking, but because they believe differently. I just really do not like all spankers to be lumped into one group. JMT