[lavenlove]

My husband and I have had increasingly more behavioral issues with our oldest; she's 7 and in 2nd grade. She does well at school- she's actually extremely bright and is in the gifted program. She also behaves well at school. But at home, it's a different story. She talks back, she ignores us, she continues doing stuff when we've asked her to stop, she picks on her younger brother, and she often has intense temper tantrums that have lately even become violent. I have had concerns about possible ADHD since she was around 4, but my therapist at the time told me she was too young to diagnose. Fast forward to age 7, and here we are - she has taken the tests and her teacher and I have filled out the requisite paperwork. Waiting to hear from the psychologist now. We are at a loss for how to help her manage her emotions and improve her behavior. My husband was raised being (in his words) back-handed for talking back, and I have had to plead with him not to spank her. The best thing for me to do during one of her fits is to try to remain as calm as possible and to basically ignore her - she cannot be talked down. If we threaten to impose consequences, it often sends her even further out of control. It's exhausting and extremely frustrating.

I was so happy to find this group a few weeks ago. I need some advice and/or encouragement for what to do! A close Christian friend who is an LPC is suggesting behavioral therapy. I'm very open to therapy - for her and for the family as a whole if necessary. She also recommended a behavioral plan - including behavior charts - which I am not sure if that falls into the realm of grace-based discipline. DD is extremely strong-willed; for example, when I decided it was time to potty-train her brother, she took over the making of the reward chart which I then abandoned. Help!!


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