I understand what you are saying.
I think that the fact that there are some small nuggets of truth [if viewed from the correct paradigm] makes SACH a very decieving book that can cause emotional pain and spiritual abuse for parents, not to mention the physical pain and spiritual abuse for children.
Hearing one too many parents go through the whole process/dialog with their 15 month old baby just makes me
and I would hesitate to talk too much about the positive attributes of that book for fear that it would encourage someone to read it and heed what he says.
The bottom line is that the heart of the book is in the adversarial mindset. Break their spirits, break their will, bring them into submission by breaking their spirit. And all the while, tell them it is because you love God and obey Him and he commands you to do it, and by accepting the "biblical chastisement by the rod" you are bringing them back into fellowship with God. It is just all flawed. It is wrong view of God and the wrong view of the role of a parent, and it is a dangerous teaching.