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Old 05-09-2012, 03:07 PM   #10
Aisling
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Default Re: How to give our children a chance of having a healthy self-esteem?

Quote:
When you say "value competency over praise" do you mean to rely on building competency in your child more than you rely on puffing them up with praise??
Praise is cheap, and kids know that...obviously, lack of both teaching and praise is damaging, but I think most people tend to knee jerk in the opposite direction when their upbringing was void of both, and slather on the praise like suntan lotion in august. Not so helpful. It might give them a temporary boost, but eventually they'll stop taking it seriously, and in adulthood, life requires competence/confidence, not self-esteem.

Confidence is a pretty cool thing.

I personally value instilling skill with a wide allowance for messing up in childhood ("wow, look at you! You set out to make the spaghetti, and it looks like you're off to a good start! The noodles didn't turn out the way you wanted? Let me know if you'd like pointers, or, if you'd rather, you could bother my cookbook. I'm proud of you for tackling a big project. " ) + unconditional love ("I hear that you're disappointed that the spaghetti didn't turn out on the first try. Sometimes, it just takes a few tries to get the hang of it. And guess what? I love you. "). It sends the message that, yes, life has hard stuff, it takes perseverance, and I don't value you more or less in the process. I'm a safe place to land.

That's what I'm shooting for...tricky when it's not your FOO's paradigm, for sure!

Last edited by Aisling; 05-09-2012 at 03:12 PM.
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