I saw that dynamic between dd and her teacher...at the end of the day, dd didn't do what the teacher demanded.
Sometimes I need to convince dd, explain more, negotiate a bit on how it gets done, etc., but often at the end of the day I can get her to willingly cooperate. Just because I'm gentle doesn't mean that I necessarily bend on everything...some things are still required, somethings are still forbidden, but there's a lot more listening and talking...some things I realize are not important, some things she realizes why I need her to comply. Overall, in the net gain, she gets more accomplished when I'm gentle than when I'm inflexible.