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Old 06-11-2009, 08:31 AM   #6
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Default Re: Collected Past Posts Sharing Success Stories

Post by: Myrtle on July 10, 2007, 08:13:13 AM
My mom is a clinical psychologist, and she got the biggest kick yesterday when dd said, "Caleb isn't respecting my boundaries!"

Dd also said she wanted to smash the whole world (from When Sophie Gets Angry, Really, Really Angry) and she kicked a ball across the room. I love that she knows it's ok to have big feelings, angry feelings, but that it isn't ok to hit someone b/c of them. I love that she's learning ways to deal with anger instead of just being shut up and forced to squelch it so she appears more pleasant to be around. I love how GBD encourages real kids to be real people.
Post by: 3PeasInAPod on July 10, 2007, 09:03:39 AM
My ds is just 18 months, so it's a combination of AP & GBD. But as someone else said, it's the empathy that I see in Ben that melts my heart. He is incredibly sweet - gives lots of kisses and hugs. When he sees a baby crying , he stops & goes over to the baby & pats the baby or tries to tell me about it!
I've been noticing his desire to please me - meaning, when he takes something he isn't supposed to have & I say "please put it back" & he goes & puts it back & I sign "thank you" & he claps! He is a big helper & I can tell he loves to see the smile on my face & the praise I give him for doing that task --
I know I won't be (or haven't been at times) perfect with GBD, but I also love that he will have no memory of me hitting him or washing his mouth out w/soap, or making him sit in a corner, etc..
Post by: AdrienneQW on July 10, 2007, 11:28:45 AM
My DH had an "aha" moment last weekend - we were at the beach and a mother was being very rough with her 2½-3yo boy, culminating in her grabbing him by the arm and whacking him several times on the butt. Dexter was *aghast* - the blood drained entirely from his face - and he yelled "HEY! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" She was dragging her son away and was now too far away to hear, so I sat down and scooped Dexter up to explain this to him as best I could... and he was crying. Tears-streaming-down-the-cheeks crying, repeating over and over "That was her boy... she was hitting her boy... mommies are supposed to love boys... she hit her boy..." We realized that he has never in his life seen an adult hit a child... as it should be. I wish I could have protected him from that visual forever.

That night after the kids were in bed DH said he never thought spanking was wrong until that moment. He agreed not to spank because I told him I wouldn't have children with him if he intended to hit them, but he never really thought spanking was wrong. Having seen the impact it had on our boy, and contrasting the visual of that mom dragging her boy away by the arm, after just hitting him, with me sitting in the middle of the sand with our 5yo scooped onto my lap, rocking and comforting him - it really resonated with DH.
Post by: Wonder Woman on July 10, 2007, 03:56:57 PM
Over the last couple of days, Jaden has really started hitting. (I let him be around some kids who modeled it too well ) So we've been doing 'you hit you sit' to remind him.

Tonight at supper time, Jaden started to slap out at dh. Before his hand even connected, he gasped and said 'you hit you sit!' and plopped down, mid slap, on the floor Then he bounced right back up, said 'gentaw hands, 'm sowwy Daddy' and went and ate his supper
Post by: ArmsOfLove on July 10, 2007, 10:48:26 PM
can I share a couple?

a week ago we were at the movies for a free summer kids movie and the toddlers were sitting in my lap and in their stroller (and back and forth ) and were walking around a little (we sat in that middle area where there's room and we were in the front row of it by the walkway). I had told them to tell me when they wanted to leave and we'd go walk around and wait for our group. About halfway through the movie they were done and let me know they wanted to go "fow walk" so I loaded them in their stroller and we walked to Starbuck's. I came back and was waiting outside the theatre for my friend and the kids and a woman who was sitting behind us came out and asked why we'd left when the boys were being some of the quietest and best behaved toddlers in the theatre I explained that I told them to let me know when they were done which is why She thought that was awesome.

I love that Fiona is a peacemaker who steps in with her friends and her siblings and even between Aidan and me when we're butting heads and reflects feelings and empathizes and helps work to a solution. and it used to crack me up when she was 18 months old and would put her hands up and say, 'STOP--I'm not comfortable with that.'
Post by: FoxDenLane on July 12, 2007, 01:00:18 PM
Two things that come to my mind are:

* My 4yo praying for kindness towards his brother
* The concern and affection my boys have for "their baby"
Post by: joy on July 16, 2007, 04:15:37 AM
We were out to eat yesterday and I stood DS on the floor next to our table (he is 20 months) while I collected our things. He started to stomp away and I led him back by the hand and said "Not yet sweetie! Stay with me!" And he hollered a protest, but he stayed right there! I was putting the money on the table and thinking to myself, "oh my gosh!! He's listening to me!"

I don't know if that counts... but I whatever we have been doing in regards to not spanking and being respectful of him as a little person ("free to be you and me, but I'm not going to let you get hurt" is kinda the vibe these days) I felt at that moment that we had accomplished something.

When it was time to go, I took his hand, we visited the fish tank nearby, and we were off.
Post by: Wonder Woman on July 16, 2007, 04:35:05 AM
we were at the park the other day and Jaden was playing with some children there. One of them wanted Jaden to take a drink from the cup I was carrying (Spiderman ) so I asked 'Jaden, would you like to take a drink?'

He stopped and said 'No,fank you Mom. I'm ok wight now.' and ran off. The other parent stood there looking like

He and I stood there and had a great little talk about 3.5, what a fun age it is, and all the consistency needed to get through it.
Post by: klpmommy on July 16, 2007, 05:03:56 PM
I know this isn't quite the same thing as the other posts, but...another thread made me think about this, one thing I *love* about GBD is that I can parent the exact same way in public as I do in private. I don't need to "threaten" my kids with a spanking when I get home. I don't need to figure out how to do a time out when away. I don't lose control when I am in public b/c they know I won't follow through in the same way when at the grocery store as when in our house. GBD is consistent in ways that punitive parenting isn't. I know when we were at WDW earlier this year & P was having a total meltdown I was able to find a spot to sit & bear hug him just like I would have done at home until he calmed down. I love that I look to the heart of the matter rather than the outside (tired, hungry, bored, needs my attention, etc). I feel really connected to my kids & I feel like I know them really well b/c of AP & GBD.
Post by: gentlebirth on July 16, 2007, 06:21:15 PM
Kimberly, great thoughts, and ITA. I was just thinking about that this weekend, and feeling so clean, because I have no "secrets" in my parenting. What you see is what you get, and it's such a happy, freeing feeling!
Post by: AdrienneQW on July 16, 2007, 06:57:23 PM
Totally agree with the public/private cohesion; so much less crazymaking than doing things differently given the environment.

Another thing I love is, for lack of a better term, "setting a good example" - my sister in particular has seen the joys of gentle parenting based on my relationship with my kids and she has taken much of it to heart with her own son. She stopped hitting/spanking when he was two after she and I had a massive argument about it, but she has always bought into the punitive mindset. In the past few months she has been asking me a lot of questions about GBD and actively trying to parent gently, and I see HUGE dividends in her DS. She is not a Christian so I think it is even more difficult for her - she has no heavenly example of how to parent like we have in our loving Father, so I really commend her for bucking the child-hating trend in society and working so hard to change her parenting.

Sidebar: I thought about not mentioning this because it sounds like bragging to me, but another thread made me think I censor myself too much so I'm going to try out being more transparent. So there you have it.
Post by: Can Dance on July 16, 2007, 07:09:40 PM
what I like most about GBD is that I have "permission" to pick up my screaming three year old and cuddle her to calm down even when I am feeling really adversarial. if I was stuck in the punitive mindset, I would take her screaming personally, assign lots of negative intent, maybe even think she was *trying* to make me angry. and with GBD it doesn't really matter. for us to be adversaries, I have to pick up my end of the rope.
so thought I won't lie and say I have found 3 easy (because ohmygoodness I do not have an easy three year old), I am glad we are surviving through this with our relationship in tact. I love the fact that she labels and reflects my feelings before I know I am having them "mommy you angry? mommy you frustrated? mommy you sad? mommy you need to be HAPPY!" I love my child to death and I am happy I have found a way to show it that just feels right to me.
oh yeah and her empathy for others like her sister is pretty nice to see. her demand for justice "you yelled mommy, you need to give me a gentle touch!" she knows what is expected of her and points it out to me. but she is always forgiving of my mess ups, extends me grace too.
Post by: Wonder Woman on July 16, 2007, 07:10:12 PM
Another thing I love about GBD? It's helped me teach my son that *he* has boundaries he can set. Today we were shopping at the W_______t place and the greeter was beyond creepy. He was an older man, and he grabbed Jaden's back and stomach and was doing this weird rub/pat thing and asking him if he wanted a sticker

I literally grabbed Jaden, pulled him out of the man's grasp, and put him behind me. Once we got away, I told Jaden 'you have the right to tell people NO when they try to touch you. It is YOUR body, and YOU decide who gets to touch it. It is ok to tell big people no.'

On the way out, creepy guy tried to grab him again. And Jaden held up his hand and said NO! and then ducked behind me.

I'm so thankful that my son is not an easy target for predators - that I don't feel the need to teach that he 'respect' people who are potential violators.
Post by: Eowyn on July 16, 2007, 09:03:53 PM
The knowledge that I can actually trust Him has been a huge discovery I found only through GBD.

I love the way GBD has taught my boys to use their words. Henry was bugging Ian tonight, and Ian said clearly, "Henry, get off my body, please."

I love that I don't have to get upset when they do kid stuff, because I know it's a passing phase, and we can get through it with GBD and time. I also love that I don't feel guilty when I parent.

Henry tried to escape at church a few times yesterday, and I didn't stress out, I just took his hand and guided him back. He stayed with me. My children calm to the sound of my voice. That alone brings me great joy.
Post by: Jeanette598 on July 17, 2007, 12:36:35 PM
After a lot of work with my dd (almost 4) on reflecting feelings, giving her ideas of things to do when she's angry, etc., I think she's finally getting it! Yesterday she and I were at a kids' museum playing with some Lincoln Logs. She had made a high tower of little logs, and then she asked me to put a window in next to it. In doing that, I knocked over part of her tower and said, "Oh, no!" I was fully expecting her to get angry. Instead, she said, "Mommy, you should say sorry." I did, she was okay, and we built it back up together.

Last week she was being really goofy as I was trying to get her dressed, and I was getting a little annoyed. I said, "I'm feeling frustrated. I'm going to take a few deep breaths." DD gave me a hug and said, "Mommy, you don't have to be frustrated. Just be patient."
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