View Single Post
Old 07-10-2007, 12:32 AM   #14
GCM_Sticky
master maker of stickies
 
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 654
GCM_Sticky has disabled reputation
Default Re: Collected Comfort Corner Comments

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Question regarding comfort corner
Post by: kiloyd on December 30, 2005, 08:44:34 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I just re-read some on the comfort corner sticky. I think I really need to do this for my 4 1/2 yr old. There are times when he is being obnoxious or is being too rough with DD (14 mo) and I say he needs to go to his room and he may come back when he is ready to be kind or stop yelling or whatever. He then insists (before going to his room) that he is ready.

I'm thinking that what I need to be doing is saying, lets cuddle for a minute. It is hard to not see that as rewarding bad behavior.

Do I need to get in the mindset of disciplineing myself to stop what I'm trying to do in order to help him through whatever he is having a tough time over? does that make sense?

Thanks

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: Question regarding comfort corner
Post by: Heather Micaela on December 31, 2005, 03:02:15 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok I may be a bit tired but I didn't quite get that last sentence.

Sending him to his room until he is ready to be kind still sounds punitve. IF you say instead, "It seems like you are playing really rough right now and dd is too little for that - maybe you need to (Insert acceptable wild activitiy here) for a while by yourself." "yelling is an outside noise - go outside if you want to yell."

If he is out of control then you can walk with him to the comfort corner rather than send him there. It is not rewarding the behavior. I am a grown-up who has anxiety/anger issues and after 7 1/2 yeares of marriage dh now knows yelling "get a grip" does me no good. But grabbing me, hugging me and allowing me to leave the situation does wonders. Then I can calm down and come back and handle it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: Question regarding comfort corner
Post by: ArmsOfLove on December 31, 2005, 03:58:13 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
I'm thinking that what I need to be doing is saying, lets cuddle for a minute. It is hard to not see that as rewarding bad behavior.
Yeah, that's a hard one to get over. The thing is . . . if you are stopping the bad behavior, you're not rewarding it

Quote:
Do I need to get in the mindset of disciplineing myself to stop what I'm trying to do in order to help him through whatever he is having a tough time over? does that make sense?
Yes--makes sense; and yes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: Question regarding comfort corner
Post by: kiloyd on January 01, 2006, 06:16:10 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for your replies. It's so hard sometimes to get in a different mind set. I think, "I want to keep talking on the phone, I dont want to stop". I guess I need to realize he is still little and needs me to help him through things.

I will try and be aware of it this week and see how it goes. Guess it is from the old mindset about thinking he is acting bad so why should I be with him, when that is exactly what he needs.

Thanks

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: I've hit a snag...HELP!
Post by: staceysue22 on August 11, 2005, 03:16:50 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I've only been using the comfort corner for about a week, my 2 yo loves it, and calms down pretty quickly, and stays there for awhile just looking at her books, or just kinda space's out for a few minutes. My 5 yo hasn't even needed to use it yet, but my 4 yo is a whole different story. She refuses to go. I pick her up, and tell her that its okay to be angry, but that she needs to take a little break and calm down a bit. When she gets to her little area, she throws all of her stuff out, hits me and yells and screams even more. What do I do? It takes every ounce of self control for me to not just start screaming back, and pick her up and shut her in her room for a few minutes. My 3 mo old ds really hates screaming, so when she starts, he gets upset and starts screaming too. Ugh! She also walks around glaring at everyone, and will scream at or hit anyone she thinks is looking at her. (only at home though) And if she is walking somewhere, and someone is in her way, instead of just walking around them, or saying excuse me, she starts kicking and yelling at whoever it is, to get out of her way.

DD really has a problem with hitting and name calling. How do I handle those little issues. I'd like to work on the hitting first, since it causes the most problems. Also, she's been having headaches and we went to the dr about it, and she thinks that maybe its allergies. (I've never even seen a hint of evidence that she has allergies, but I'm not a dr..what do I know?) So we are trying claritin syrup, and she goes back in 2 weeks to reevaluate.

My 5 yo. is also starting kindergarten in a week, and dd is upset that she isn't going to school also, so I think that her behavior also has something to do with that...combined with having a new little brother, I think maybe she's a little overwhelmed. I'd put her in pre-school, but we can't afford it, and I'm not sure she'd handle it too well, but it might do her some good to get away from us all and do her own thing KWIM? The only thing I know to do for sure, is to just tell her I love her every chance I get, and give hertons of hugs and kisses...which she just eats up.

I really need help, I am lost and clueless.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: I've hit a snag...HELP!
Post by: LauraK on August 12, 2005, 06:05:12 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you tracked her diet, her behavior and the headaches? Maybe you will see a pattern? I thought Clariten was only for seasonal allergies? Is this new behavior?

Hope someone has some good advice for you. My oldest is 2.5 so I can't offer much. Hang in there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: I've hit a snag...HELP!
Post by: iplsmama on August 12, 2005, 08:35:06 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm going to say that "4" is a super hard age for emotions, or at least it has been for my girls. Maybe there is a hormone surge or something... that being said, I don't have a lot of great advice but just endure because she will grow out of it. You have listed several reasons for her to be going through a lot right now so I would do some serious feelings reflecting. Maybe try to spend some time one on one with her at other times. If the comfort corner doesn't work maybe her room is a better solution but go with her if possible. You have to make it clear to her and everyone around that you will protect her from hurting people and that may mean she has to be somewhere else. You can do that with compassion and empathy without being punitive.

Hope you get some great advice--it is such a hard time for her.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: I've hit a snag...HELP!
Post by: ArmsOfLove on August 15, 2005, 06:46:31 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She does sound like my dd at 4--and especially when she had too much corn Traditional allergy testing may not reveal the problem so you might want to start a food journal and look for patterns to her behavior. With the Comfort Corner I think for how I'd say, "Hey, if you don't want to go to the CC then that's fine with me. But a choice to not go is a choice to get yourself under control without going. If you can't do that then you need to offer an alternative solution." IOW, make the CC optional, but not the getting herself under control.

I also found with my 4yo that two things were vitally important--playful parenting and pursuing her when she got all prickly. She was really asking me with her behavior, "Will you still love me even if I do THIS?" My answer had to be yes--while I set standards.

For the hitting I used "You hit, You sit" and I made a big emphasis on making amends. Look at these times as opportunities to teach social skills and relationship skills. She needs some extra guidance there
GCM_Sticky is offline