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Old 07-07-2007, 01:58 AM   #12
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Default Re: Collected Comfort Corner Comments

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Title: What do you think?
Post by: emmasmomshana on April 21, 2006, 03:47:43 PM
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Yesterday I was setting Emma up to do some finger painting (Color Wonder brand, she's 18 months) and she got very frustrated and started to throw everything on the floor and get aggressive (she had THAT LOOK in her eye). I told her, "let's go to our comfort corner (the guest bed) and try to calm down". We went in and I did the hug and just held her telling her it was ok to feel angry and frustrated and that mommy was here and let's calm down. Well, it really really escalated in terms of the tantrum and I was sitting there holding my baby girl while she screamed and kicked and I was wondering, "am I helping her by doing this?" I'm really new to GBD and although I agree so far with the principles, I'm not sure what I'm doing is right. Does it sound like I did the right thing?

Also, I had the thought of, how is this different from letting her CIO and will she not associate my hugging her with her emotional bad times? I hug her a lot throughout the day though so it's not like the only time I hug her is when we do CC.

Please tell me what you more experienced GBD'ers think.

Thanks so much!



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Title: Re: What do you think?
Post by: mamaKristin on April 21, 2006, 04:05:11 PM
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I'm not sure if she may of even been tantruming in the first place. If that were my DD, I probably would have said "you are showing me that you are finished with the finger paint, let's put them away and wash our hands", removed the paint and led her to wash her hands. Sometimes distraction is all they really need if they are getting frustrated.

In our home, the CC is more of a full-on-meltdown thing at that age. I find that if I work with my kids (not saying you weren't, but that's just the best way I can describe it), we can head off a lot of tantrums...either by reflecting feelings, distraction or being playful in our transitions.


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Title: Re: What do you think?
Post by: Amber on April 21, 2006, 04:13:42 PM
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My ds is 22 months and I don't use a formal comfort corner with him. Many times when my ds does something like you described it is because he is frustrated with something that is happening...maybe he wanted to sit in a different chair, or he wanted a different color play-doh, etc. My ds doesn't have many words, and none that really help in these situations. But if I have an idea of what he wants I will calmly say his name to get his attention then "do you want to sit in the other chair" while pointing, and he will sign please if that is what he wants.

I'm not sure if any of this would apply to your situation or not...but that is want tends to help when my ds does similar things. I have also noticed that we are more likely to have these types of problems if it is getting close to snack or nap time.


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Title: Re: What do you think?
Post by: Mamatoto on April 21, 2006, 04:23:30 PM
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At 18 months she was telling you she was finished most likely. My children both threw things at that age when they were done. Or if she was upset by something that didn't seem right to her she could have acted like that, too. Or if it was close to naptime. I would have just gotten her down and met her need. No CC necessary. At that tender age a CC and being held like that would be quite confusing I think.




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Title: Re: What do you think?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on April 21, 2006, 04:31:35 PM
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Quote from: emmasmomshana on April 21, 2006, 03:47:43 PM
Yesterday I was setting Emma up to do some finger painting (Color Wonder brand, she's 18 months) and she got very frustrated and started to throw everything on the floor and get aggressive (she had THAT LOOK in her eye). I told her, "let's go to our comfort corner (the guest bed) and try to calm down". We went in and I did the hug and just held her telling her it was ok to feel angry and frustrated and that mommy was here and let's calm down. Well, it really really escalated in terms of the tantrum and I was sitting there holding my baby girl while she screamed and kicked and I was wondering, "am I helping her by doing this?" I'm really new to GBD and although I agree so far with the principles, I'm not sure what I'm doing is right. Does it sound like I did the right thing?
At 18 months I think it might be more helpful to try and encourage her to "use her words" whether that be words or signs or "show me" because it sounds like she was trying to express something she didn't know how to express--whether she was done or wanted something else or was wanting something to be one way and it was another. Usually at that age I say something like, "You are upset! Show me what is wrong. Help me understand so I can help you." If they can't communicate and are just "done" then I'd go to what you did. I suspect it escalated because she wanted to be *heard*, not calmed down.


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Also, I had the thought of, how is this different from letting her CIO and will she not associate my hugging her with her emotional bad times? I hug her a lot throughout the day though so it's not like the only time I hug her is when we do CC.
It's very different from CIO because you are there with her and you are helping her feel understood and comforted. I don't worry about them associating my hugs with emotional bad times because I believe they will make the association that I'm there to comfort them even when they aren't able to be comforted.




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Title: Re: What do you think?
Post by: loveberry on April 21, 2006, 04:44:58 PM
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Quote from: ArmsOfLove on April 21, 2006, 04:31:35 PM
I don't worry about them associating my hugs with emotional bad times because I believe they will make the association that I'm there to comfort them even when they aren't able to be comforted.


I really agree with this. Especially considering how I feel when I am really upset. When someone I love and trust walks away from me and leaves me alone with my feelings, I feel abondoned and betrayed. When someone I love and trust holds me, I feel comforted and supported. I might cry harder or longer in the second situation, but it feels so much better. In the first I might calm down much faster, but it's a calm of suppressed anger and sadness, not resolution.


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Title: Re: What do you think?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on April 21, 2006, 06:45:10 PM
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Quote from: loveberry on April 21, 2006, 04:44:58 PM
Quote from: ArmsOfLove on April 21, 2006, 04:31:35 PM
I don't worry about them associating my hugs with emotional bad times because I believe they will make the association that I'm there to comfort them even when they aren't able to be comforted.


I really agree with this. Especially considering how I feel when I am really upset. When someone I love and trust walks away from me and leaves me alone with my feelings, I feel abondoned and betrayed. When someone I love and trust holds me, I feel comforted and supported. I might cry harder or longer in the second situation, but it feels so much better. In the first I might calm down much faster, but it's a calm of suppressed anger and sadness, not resolution.

very very true!


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Title: Re: What do you think?
Post by: AmyDoll on April 21, 2006, 07:05:44 PM
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Just as a kind of side note, Sam doesn't get the "delay" of the Color Wonder finger paints and they drive him INSANE! The fact that they are clear and show up later - he's never been successful at them.
He makes great pics with "real" finger paints.

Color Wonder is cool (in concept) - but I'm not getting them back out until he's like 4.


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Title: Re: What do you think?
Post by: emmasmomshana on April 21, 2006, 07:42:39 PM
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Thank you all so very much! It helps so much to have different points of view on things like this for me. What you said about having someone there to comfort you when you are upset is so true! I can see that now.

I think I will be putting the Color Wonder paints away for now too. I could see how the delay would be frustrating for her and hadn't thought about it like that before. As a side note, I did get her a paintbrush and we "painted" on the sidewalk with water and she loved that! The cement turned a different color and instead of having to clean it up, it just evaporated and she loved it. Much less frustrating for her.

Now that you mention it, she was tired because after she had her crying done she did lay down with me and take a nap.

This is still hard for me to know just what to do. Luckily she very rarely escalates to full blown tantrum mode, but I need to figure out how to handle it in a consistant manner. That's why I'm here!

I have to say though that since I have learned about GBD and also was rededicated, I have had so much more patience and can really be more calm with her (and dh ). I truly feel God's presence in my life and I am so thankful!

Thank you for your responses and I welcome any more!


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Title: Re: What do you think?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on April 21, 2006, 07:44:21 PM
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I'm so glad you're being blessed. The Lord is teaching you now and that's great

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