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Old 06-16-2007, 03:00 PM   #10
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Default Re: Collected Comfort Corner Comments

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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: TulipMama on February 12, 2006, 08:28:25 PM
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*huuuuug*

butterflymommy, I totally get where you are coming from. *hug* This is all a big shift. And I think for you (as it was for me) there are great big yellow warning flags in the back of our minds saying, "Hey! Don't become permissive! Don't be walked all over and neglect to train our children in reaction to our mistakes!" And I think those warning flags we have are important.

For our family, it took awhile to institute a comfort corner. We have one now, but are still slowly getting used to using it as a training tool. My first response in situations that need specific attention is to hug and pray. Pulling my child on my lap and praying silently or outloud seems to be an internal "comfort corner" for myself. Gives me time to be calm, reconnect with my child, pray for wisdom, and then deal with whatever the situation at hand may be.

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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: milkmommy on February 12, 2006, 08:30:17 PM
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I think that making him comfortable by ignoring his bad behavior and then never correct him is a bad idea. Why not train him to change his bad mood/behavior into a good one? Why not discuss his poor behavior? OK, let's say that discussion can be by action, not just a "lecture?" If he was hitting a child and not stopping, then teach him that his hands were meant to love by learning how to serve the family with his hands for a week: set the table, fold the laundry, wash dishes, share his toys, brush the cat, etc. Praise, praise, praise his efforts and explain how his hands are loving, serving, and pleasing to God. To reward his hitting by making him feel good is crazy to me???

You are completely missing what a comfort corner us I'd suggest sticking around doing some more reading and asking questions from an open mind to gain a bater understanding. I do get where your comming from I didn't get it at first but now I can say it actually has a much better "training" result than a more traditional punitive timeout. First off the comfort corner isn't to ingnore the bad behavior and innapropiate behavior is 'corrected", the comfort corner does provide a place for discussion.


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If he was hitting a child and not stopping, then teach him that his hands were meant to love by learning how to serve the family with his hands for a week: set the table, fold the laundry, wash dishes, share his toys, brush the cat, etc. Praise, praise, praise his efforts and explain how his hands are loving, serving, and pleasing to God.
Many here advocate this idea I do here if my DD hurts or uses her bdy in an inappropiate way we talk about why its wrong and discuss how she can make ammends by giving a way she can use the offensive "part' in a positive way. We also look at the developmental reasons like does she have enough tacticle play to get those "hits" out. There is not begining or end to these types of teaching, my three year old rountinuly helps in all (except we don't have a cat ) you talk about because of the reasons you state and because its what makes our family tick and function. We do not make these things into punishments or rewards. It makes it a lot easier to open the discussion on the rare occasion she does get aggressive.

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To reward his hitting by making him feel good is crazy to me???[
The comfort corner is not a reward its a netural place providing a calm atphmosphere so child can collect him/herself and a solution and discussion can take place. A child does not need to feel bad to understand a lesson. You completely miss the point stay and learn you may be suprised

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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: milkmommy on February 12, 2006, 08:31:29 PM
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opps posted before I read your update


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: butterflymommy on February 12, 2006, 08:45:43 PM
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milkmommy... ..I ned the BOLD, the truth, the love...Your post was A+! .

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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-C
Post by: Irene on February 12, 2006, 08:50:21 PM
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(((((((((((butterflymommy))))))))) Im so glad you are here, learning
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.tell me HOW to make this a real thing. (I am crying right now!)
Im all teared up watching you grow, and its only been a few days!

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Pulling my child on my lap and praying silently or outloud seems to be an internal "comfort corner" for myself. Gives me time to be calm, reconnect with my child, pray for wisdom, and then deal with whatever the situation at hand may be.
I have been doing this the last couple days and what a difference its been making in my attitude toward the kids (especially my dd ) and how much she calms down and then starts acting better

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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: milkmommy on February 12, 2006, 08:50:44 PM
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Quote from: butterflymommy on February 12, 2006, 08:45:43 PM
milkmommy... ..I ned the BOLD, the truth, the love...Your post was A+! .



glad you understood Again feel free to ask ask ask. Not everyone approaches the comfort corner totally the same I for ecample just couldn't get past the name for the longest time it sounded permissive and way too out their for me
But them I figured out I needed one as in for me not my child she has her own Get one for yourself you'll be shocked how much it does change your outlook..

Deanna


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: canadiyank on February 13, 2006, 12:21:45 AM
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Quote from: butterflymommy on February 12, 2006, 08:22:01 PM
I am STUCK on ONLY having happy children. Pray, for me...I am weak here. I guess that is what the Pearls' influence did for me. I really DO think that happiness = Godliness.


This is a hard thing for a lot of us! Negative feelings are often uncomfortable, and honestly, happy kids are a lot easier to be around! But we are trying to teach them ways to manage those "big feelings" in an appropriate way...this is a lesson even *I* need to learn, and I have my own "comfort corner."


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: mommy2abigail on February 13, 2006, 05:36:48 PM
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Butterflymommy, I hope that you feel here. I'm glad you posted your real concerns, hopefully, (like me!) you'll get some good answers to your questions and concerns. It's very (VERY!) difficult when you come from a punitive mindset to regulate the permissiveness. I am trying very hard to maintain a balance- I have A LOT to learn! Anyway, just wanted to second what Crystal said, she is a great source of wisdom when it comes to this Grace Based Parenting stuff! Anyway, just wanted to offer up a and a to you!


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: Rbonmom on February 13, 2006, 11:42:35 PM
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I just wanted to add another perspective too. I was reading Clay Clarkson's "heartfelt discipline" and he discusses how in the church parent's are taught to cling to Prov. 22:6 as though its a command with a promise, when actually it's not. It's in Prov. which is a book of Wisdom. Clarkson was writing about how many people believe if they "train up their child" then they are guaranteed a Godly child, and that is a false believe in "formulaic parenting" that Pearls and many others are big proponents of. We have to get away from always relying on a formula as the solution, and rather lean on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and direction.
Also, keep in mind that this passage is referring to the same "naar" of Prov. 23 and is directed/referring to a young man. Clarkson gives this layman's translation based on the meaning of the Hebrew "dedicate a young man to following God's way of wisdom. Even when he is a grown man, he will not turn aside from that way". To quote "The passage actually describes a young man who has left childhood behind and who is ready to follow God on his own and prepare to enter the adult world- but his parents need to dedicate him to that path. In the same way we dedicate a church building to God's use when it has been completed, according to this passage, we should dedicate our youth to God's purposes once their childhood has been completed."


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: wombmate3 on February 14, 2006, 01:59:10 PM
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It took me nearly two whole years to get into balance as far as punitive vs. permissive goes. I am still not perfect (as indeed I will never be), and we have days when I am more punitive, and days when I am too permissive. There is a LOT less yelling, big feelings, and hitting. And I am just talking about ME!

I am inspired and heartened to see that this is touching you! GBD was THE BEST thing I ever did for our family. Coming here made a world of difference on 'getting it'.


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: bylerbunch on February 15, 2006, 05:05:38 AM
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Butterflymommy, I am not a brand new newbie, as I've only been here since last summer, but I've come from a Ezzo/Pearl background as well. And, it IS hard to change that mentality -- but with God's help, it can be done! Keep hanging out here and you will learn so much!! What helped me also is to read over the fruits of the spirit in Galatians -- I had to ask myself, am I exhibiting these fruits when I discipline my children? Sadly, the answer was no. I have learned that there are so many more Scriptures that have to do with parenting that the Proverbs 22:6 verse. And, people here have shown me that that verse is often misinterpreted.

I learn something everytime I come to this board, and this thread on the "comfort corner" has been awesome! Thanks everyone for continuing to teach me and help me to become a better mom!!

Butterflymommy, I hope you have an awesome day in the Lord today!!!


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: TulipMama on February 22, 2006, 06:42:46 PM
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What helped me also is to read over the fruits of the spirit in Galatians -- I had to ask myself, am I exhibiting these fruits when I discipline my children?

Beth, this has been so important to me as well. Early on in my GBD journey (right around the time I joined GCM, actually) I started doing a personal Bible study, spending time studying each attribute mentioned in Gal 5:22-23. And as I studied, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would develop these things in me, especially as I related to my husband and children. God used that time of study and meditation to change my attitudes greatly. I'm still slow to bear fruit, but the Lord is being faithful, even in that.

*huuuuug*


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: AandNsMom on February 22, 2006, 06:48:28 PM
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Quote from: wombmate3 on February 14, 2006, 01:59:10 PM
There is a LOT less yelling, big feelings, and hitting. And I am just talking about ME!


This really, really made me smile!
It really is more about us, I think,
This has been a great thread.
Butterflymommy, welcome and I am glad you are here.


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: Marmee on February 22, 2006, 07:48:39 PM
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Okay, I am a non-punitive parent, but fairly new to this board and all of the terminology. Could someone explain - What exactly is a "comfy-corner" - and I mean physically - not the benefits of - which are clear and obvious to me from this post.
Is it a chair? A literal corner? Do you have it in the main room of the house? Do you put pillows?books?dolls and stuffed animals?
Do you suggest it to the child, send them there, is it voluntary only? Do you go with them? Send them alone?
I am curious. But also trying to help my DH with some techniques. He does not want to spank (it was originally his idea to do otherwise, as we both come from spanking homes). I jumped on board after seeing that spanking was a waste of time and energy for everybody. I am embarressed now to admit we did spank for a time (but it was years ago and we have moved on!) I do not do time out either, but he still uses it (I think because he gets frustrated and doesn't know what else to do.) He called me today while I was out on an errand having trouble with our 2 year old. He had put him in time out. I tried to suggest (calmly and nicely) that maybe he should try something else instead. He snapped at me and the conversation pretty much ended there - my bad, who in their right mind tries to offer advice to a frustrated adult in the middle of a showdown with a two year old? Of course, when I got home he apologized for his snippish response and said he really was interested in doing something else, but he didn't want to raise an aggressive brat (his words). Two year old kept hitting older sister and visiting cousin. At any rate - it was pretty much a frustrating morning for all of them (except for me - I was at Starbucks )! So, after all of that rambling, what is a comfy corner and where can I get one!?


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Title: Re: A newbie having a SERIOUS problem with Comfy-Corner!
Post by: Marmee on February 22, 2006, 08:54:47 PM
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oops! I just saw the thread that answers my question! Duh.
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