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Old 06-15-2007, 02:00 AM   #7
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Default Re: Collected Comfort Corner Comments

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Title: how to switch from timeout/spanking to cc
Post by: FROGmama on August 12, 2005, 02:18:42 PM
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Just a question- my 3 yo son is having a really hard time or maybe I am with switching from TO to Comfortcorner- When he needs to take a break now I made a nice comfy spot in the chair for him or us both to sit- when I tell him he is not in control and needs to take a break- he starts screaming that he doesnt want a time out- so If I then go with him I have to physicially hold him screaming till he calms down- is this right? any tips from moms who have done this?
thanks!
Lorene


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Title: Re: how to switch from timeout/spanking to cc
Post by: Aerynne on August 14, 2005, 03:33:42 PM
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I would suggest using times when he is not upset as a teaching moment. Especially with you and dh, like maybe if you are upset you can go to the comfort corner yourself, or ask dh if he needs to go if he is upset. Or make up a story about a stuffed animal, friend, or fictional character needing to go to a comfort corner. Or put a stuffed animal who had something bad happen in comfort corner, go with it and give it hugs, and when it's done ask it if it feels better and wants to play. I think 3 yo's learn a lot through make-believe play, and the time to do it is when he is feeling fine. Maybe when his sister is falls and gets hurt, or is upset for some other reason, take her there with you and comfort her there- make it a happy place. I think the key is that it is for anyone who is sad or hurt, not just those who are misbehaving. Does that give you any ideas that might work?

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Title: Re: how to switch from timeout/spanking to cc
Post by: FROGmama on August 14, 2005, 04:56:27 PM
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yes thanks!

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Title: Re: how to switch from timeout/spanking to cc
Post by: palil on August 14, 2005, 07:34:49 PM
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I love those ideas, Aerynne! I may try that with my 3yo, too.. he's never been a "comfort corner" kind of guy, but I think he might take to it better now that he's getting older.

You could also try approaching it as "I see you need to switch activities" and sit him at a spot with papers/markers or playdoh.... encourage him to draw how he feels or pound his frustration out on the playdoh.

Quote:
If I then go with him I have to physicially hold him screaming till he calms down- is this right?
This: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...?topic=20975.0

is a fairly short thread about the bear hug. You can go with him and interact with him in many different ways... talking, reflecting, saying nothing, hugs and snuggles, playing a game or reading a book.. whatever helps him calm down and regain some composure.. thus the name "comfort" corner. The bear hug, I think, is mainly for helping kids not to hurt themselves or others if they are being destructive. I think for some kids it can also be a reassuring, strong "presence" to help them regain composure. Other kids respond to it with increased panic and fury.. so it really depends on the child.


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Title: Re: how to switch from timeout/spanking to cc
Post by: ArmsOfLove on August 15, 2005, 06:58:42 PM
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definately use the CC yourself! In fact, when he's upset it's probably stressful so you can go there yourself and invite him to join you for some cuddles

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Title: comfort corner vs. needing "space" during an intense emotional/crying spell
Post by: frances on August 10, 2005, 10:51:30 PM
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SO, ds has been having some big emotions lately, especially when I have set a limit or boundary for him (We just returned from a long vacation with my family and he really bonded with my brother and sister, neither are married or have children so they gave him tons of love and affection, and I think he really misses them). He reacts physically by throwing down whatever is in his hands but then he just starts to wail. And he doesn't necessarily want me to pick him up and take him to our comfort corner - he gives clear signals that he wants space but not to be left alone. My question is do I move him to the comfort corner and then give him some space or do I just sit near him and try to reflect his feelings and help him through it? It feels more natural to remain where we are but maybe, if he were in his comfort corner, he would start to use some of the tools there to help him through his emotions.
Actually, this leads to another question - ds just turned 2 and honestly, does the reflecting of feelings, or anything that I am saying/doing really get through? I don't think he can even hear me or register what I am saying!

I almost feel as I did when ds was a newborn - he's wailing away but I'm not quite sure what he needs at this point! It was so much easier then - all he needed was my boob! If only all of life's problems could be solved by nursing!


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Title: Re: comfort corner vs. needing "space" during an intense emotional/crying spell
Post by: milkmommy on August 10, 2005, 11:06:41 PM
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Quote
ds just turned 2 and honestly, does the reflecting of feelings, or anything that I am saying/doing really get through? I don't think he can even hear me or register what I am saying!

YES! it soo does, my DD 2.5 but has a severe language delay and fo ever it felt like talking to a wall, but now that were starting to have small language breakthroughs I'm clearly seeing the results of reflecting all this time...
Or the comfort corner, honestly I think a big part will depend on your child. When our DD was younger from about 15-30 months her comfort corner was basically her room. The "comfort corner" felt too confining and it became to time outish. She needed to be able to walk and roll and vent her big feelings (she was never a big tantrum thrower but she needs to make big body movements) Now that she's learned to controll her "anger area" more the comfort corner is a great place.
Now IF she gets where she needs to calm down and regroup I DO physically take her to the comfort area, and make it quite clear that shes having Big feelings and thats okay but she has to do them here..I als require her to take the first calming steps. I tell her I'm here when shes calmer and ready to allow me to help but I wont be a victum to her screaming.
It ussually takes her just a few seconds to calm down (I don't expect her to totally stop just calm enough I can aid).. I've also seen her run to her couch and cuddle with her blanket and doll just whenever shes gotton upset.

Deanna


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Title: Re: comfort corner vs. needing "space" during an intense emotional/crying spell
Post by: ArmsOfLove on August 11, 2005, 11:40:19 AM
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He's really too young to expect to see results from what you're doing--but keep doing it and as he ages and matures you'll see the fruit of your efforts. It might also help to read Ames and Ilg's "Your Two Year Old"


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Title: Re: comfort corner vs. needing "space" during an intense emotional/crying spell
Post by: frances on August 11, 2005, 12:02:17 PM
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Thanks for reassuring me that what I'm doing really will affect him - it is difficult to see that far down the road at times.
I think it's a good idea also to reevaluate how our comfort corner works - I'll have to keep that in mind as ds gets older but also now - maybe I just haven't found the "right" spot for it or need to change the stuff we have in it. I've let ds put what he wants there but since he doesn't grasp the idea yet I think it's a little hard for him to figure out what he needs there.
Also, I'll have to reread "your two year old"...

Thank you for your suggestions.
Robin
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