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Old 06-14-2007, 01:15 PM   #3
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Default Re: Collected Comfort Corner Comments

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Title: Comfort corner--kind-of
Post by: CJ on April 19, 2005, 07:28:04 PM
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Okay, I'm mulling over the idea of a comfort corner and how to implement it in our home. I'm thinking of making it more of a portable thing--perhaps a basket with a few comfort things--stuffed Clifford (a dog who serves our family as a good reminder of kindness and politeness), a couple books, a soft blanket, etc. I'll have the kids help me decide what goes in it. Then encourage them to take the basket or something in it and find a good place to get comfortable.

What do you think?

Also, I will often say to one of my kids, after a few reminders and teaching about appropriate behavior, I think you need to go sit somewhere ( on the couch or something) until you're ready to _____. (use polite manners, act kindly, etc.) But they fight it, "NO! I'm ready now!" This mostly happens with my 5 yo. It bothers me because it feels like he isn't taking me seriously until I set this limit with a "time away". Sometimes, I let it go. Sometimes I insist that he go and at least sing a song and then decide if he's ready. I'm afraid this will happen too with Comfort corner approach--especially once the novelty has worn off. Sometimes the whole thing leads me to yelling "Leave now!" Which of course, turns the whole thing to a punitive and anger-driven thing. Although I hate the whole first-time obedience thing, I don't want to set things up such that they know that they don't really have to listen, follow instructions until I get to a certain point. Crystal, you talked about similar limit-setting with your son in a previous thread. How can I adjust this? How many reminders, instructions do you give before you require him to sit on the sofa until he's "ready"? Does he ever fight it?

My other big concern about the Comfort Corner is that I know that often I will not be able to go with them, if needed. How do you handle it when you can't go--nursing a baby, have to finish cooking dinner (lest it burn! ) need to attend to another child, etc? Do you ever insist that your child go to the comfort corner without you, if they really don't want to go without you?


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Title: Re: Comfort corner--kind-of
Post by: ArmsOfLove on April 19, 2005, 07:32:04 PM
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Last question first I might take the baby with me, have them set up next to me or encourage them to go and I'd come join them as soon as I was done with X

With my 7 and 5 yo's it's a one reminder/try again when they start to lose it and then I send them to sit. They get one chance to correct themselves and then they take a break and come back when they are ready to. Now, I've taught them *how* to do what is expected of them and *what* that is but if they're losing it and melting down then they're not open to teaching or correction and they need to take a breather and come back when they're ready.

I think the basket is a great idea

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Title: Am I doing the comfort corner right?
Post by: LoveToReadMommy on April 04, 2005, 01:10:59 PM
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I'm a little concerned that maybe I'm using it as time out!

We got it all set up, with special toys, etc, I explained it to both dds. (almost 4 and almost 6 yo) They know they can come out when they are ready, and keep the door open if they want. (Before, they had a time limit and a buzzer, and sit on their beds, now it's in our bedroom, right off the main living area, it's on a bean bag, almost part of our living room)

But now, when they are stressing out, yelling at me, or being disruptive to the family, I say, calmly, "You need to take a break" (Instead of, "go to your room!" or "Time out!" not calmly) So I feel like I am banishing them away from us, and I don't want to make them feel bad, I want it to be different than a time out.

Is there a more gentle way I should be doing this?

I appreciate your help so much, this mothering thing is not easy! :/

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Title: Re: Am I doing the comfort corner right?
Post by: Joanne on April 04, 2005, 05:33:00 PM
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How about "Honey, I see that you are having a hard time controlling yourself. Let's go together and I can show you how to feel better so you can do better."

You have to teach them how to regroup before you can send them to regroup. Otherwise, it is a punitive time out.

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Title: Re: Am I doing the comfort corner right?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on April 04, 2005, 05:41:04 PM
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I think Joanne has a great idea. You can also ask them how they feel about it--if they feel good during their break, etc. If they feel banished maybe move the beanbag chair into the living room???

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Title: ?? about comfort corner--update
Post by: GodChick on April 19, 2005, 03:02:17 PM
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nak 2

?? about the cc--

1. how do i keep dd from carrying off everything in the cc?? ie--she wants to read the books over here, she wants her stuffed kitty over there. not while needing the cc, just in the course of regular play. how do i reserve those things for her comfort space??

2. hoe do i keep it from seemiong punitive when dd says she doesn't want to go there? i read the thread where it was suggested i go there with her, but she doesn't want that either. when she's upset, she says no to everything, including me. she doesn't want cuddling, she doesn't want the cc, she doesn't want items from the cc taken elsewhere, she doesn't want anything. talking to her, hugging her, offering something else all make her more upset. whhaaaa?? an i the only one with a kid like this? (pls say no.)

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Title: Re: ?? about comfort corner
Post by: ArmsOfLove on April 19, 2005, 03:19:22 PM
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I might make it just a spot with a blanket and you can even get the blanket when you take her there

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Title: Re: ?? about comfort corner
Post by: CJ on April 19, 2005, 07:04:59 PM
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My DD 3 is the same way. Usually I just have to leave her alone, let her know that I'm available when she wants me to help and go about my business until she says, "I want you to hold me!" She's been like that as long as I can remember.

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Title: Re: ?? about comfort corner
Post by: GodChick on April 20, 2005, 05:39:34 PM
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Thanks, ladies. CJ, it's nice to know my DD isn't the only one who does that!! Crystal, that's a good idea--when I read what you said, I decided to make a comfort bag instead of a comfort corner. I put a blanket and some books and some "lovies" in a tote bag that can be put away when not in use.

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Title: Re: ?? about comfort corner
Post by: ArmsOfLove on April 20, 2005, 07:08:50 PM
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Please let us know how it works

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Title: Re: ?? about comfort corner
Post by: GodChick on May 04, 2005, 03:32:49 PM
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it's me, michele, with a new username.

just an update. i think it's working well! at first she didn't want anything to do with the comfort bag while she was upset--but i got out the blanket and sat there myself and told her i needed to relax there a while because i was feeling frustrated too. so i turned on some nice music and sat there myself. aftershe calmed down on her own--which seems to be what she needs--she sat there w/ me. she didn't want the books or lovies at the time, but just kind of rolled arounf there for a few min. but i think it was a good introdction to the concept, because she felt better after being there than she did before.

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Title: Re: ?? about comfort corner--update
Post by: ArmsOfLove on May 04, 2005, 04:26:55 PM
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sounds great and I think modelling for her what you wanted her to learn was great

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Title: What does a comfort corner look like for a two year old?
Post by: illinoismommy on June 07, 2006, 03:58:19 PM
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If I told my darling to go take a break on the couch until he feels better, it wouldn't work because he wouldn't go. So what do you do at this age?

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Title: Re: What does a comfort corner look like for a two year old?
Post by: AmyDoll on June 07, 2006, 06:23:57 PM
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You could sit with him and help him feel better. 2 is a young age to get those big feelings under control without assistance.

Sam has a bean bag, with an Elmo blanket and a basket of books.

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Title: Re: What does a comfort corner look like for a two year old?
Post by: cklewis on June 07, 2006, 06:27:46 PM
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ours is a chair in the "library" (a nook right off the kitchen) with quiet toys and books and a fun fuzzy pillow. i pick him up and take him there. in the heat of frustration, he can't think to go. sometimes i stay. most times i stay. if i'm hot and bothered, i go in the kitchen (right there a few feet away) and cool off.

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Title: Re: What does a comfort corner look like for a two year old?
Post by: greenskittle on June 07, 2006, 07:06:57 PM
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Liv is only 19 months old, but it's the same age range, so I thought I'd go ahead and answer.

At the moment, I am her comfort corner. Whenever she gets upset or out of control we go sit in a quiet place together. As she gets older I will start taking her to a spot to calm down on her own. But right now I think she still needs me.

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Title: Re: What does a comfort corner look like for a two year old?
Post by: illinoismommy on June 07, 2006, 07:46:10 PM
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I was asking because today he was tired and he needed a comfort corner. I can't hold him at those times because he kicks and screams and throws himself to the floor. He hurts me at those times if I try to pick him up. I am never quite sure what to do. I think he is a good kid, but I am at a loss when he's like that.... I know it happened because he woke prematurely from his nap an so he was extra tired in the late afternoon.... so I was wondering.....

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Title: Re: What does a comfort corner look like for a two year old?
Post by: greenskittle on June 07, 2006, 07:59:48 PM
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Well, when Liv is like that I still act like a comfort corner, but I don't actually hold her. I just sit in a chair near her and let her until she gets her feelings out.

It's really hard for toddlers to keep those feelings under control, and it's best to just let them get it out. Of course you want to be right there to offer support, and to keep them from hurting themselves and others, but there's nothing much else I've found that can be done.

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Title: Re: What does a comfort corner look like for a two
Post by: MarynMunchkins on June 07, 2006, 08:13:13 PM
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We don't have an actual corner since my older 2 broke the rocking chair that was in it. I use the couch or closest out of the way quiet spot. If Colin wants to be hugged, I'm more than willing to do it. If he's screaming and inconsolable, I just sit nearby until he calms down. If he's really lost it, I'll start reading a book or singing a song, which usually distracts him long enough to get in a hug.

Mostly, I'm his CC at this point.

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Title: what if they won't stay in the comfort corner?
Post by: GotMyHeartFull on May 13, 2005, 06:53:09 PM
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my son will stay there sometimes, but other times says he does not need to go there and still demonstrates the same behavior that I was sending him there for.

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Title: Re: what if they won't stay in the comfort corner?
Post by: MarynMunchkins on May 13, 2005, 07:05:35 PM
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I sit with them, and bear hug them if necessary. Usually offering to read them a book calms them done and makes the CC a nice place to be.

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Title: Re: what if they won't stay in the comfort corner?
Post by: SingingPraise on May 13, 2005, 07:07:57 PM
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nods. I usually don't send my kids to the comfort corner or its too much like time out.
I'll usually go in with... we lay on the floor a bit and maybe look at baby pictures in the scrapbook thats in there. Or sometimes i'll ask if they wanna have a snack to help relax. My little one always goes for that. He's 2. lol

Zoey is almost 5 and I ask her "do you want some time alone in the comfort corner for a few minutes to relax or would you like me to come with you and we can snuggle and feel better".
?

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Title: comfy corner question
Post by: messiahsmisfit on February 25, 2006, 05:55:05 PM
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We're moving and I'm going to need to pack the comfy corner away any suggestions on how to make this transistion as smooth as possible?

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Title: Re: comfy corner question
Post by: MarynMunchkins on February 25, 2006, 06:14:05 PM
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We don't have an official CC since my kids broke the rocking chair that was there. We use any quiet spot to take a break.

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Title: Re: comfy corner question
Post by: ArmsOfLove on February 26, 2006, 12:57:50 PM
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some people have mentioned using a "comfy corner bag" that contains some comfort objects that can be "broken out" anywhere at any time. That might be good for a transition

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Title: Re: Pictures of your comfort corner?
Post by: boonpnutsmom on May 03, 2005, 06:15:33 PM
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We dont' have a comfort corner per say, but our bed is what we use. This is where we all come to refocus. There are approximately 40 pillows on our bed so they "build" walls to refocus seperately.
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