These ladies have lots of good things to say.
The change in perspective is so, so important. Without that, you just find new way to exact pain, revenge, ect from your child. I am still working on this myself, because I still get upset and my first thought is "I have got to MAKE him OBEY ME.. NOW!" and then all reason leaves.
It does get easier with time though, and it takes a lot of re-parenting--Yourself.