shilohmm

I was influenced by everyone the list except, oddly enough, Ezzo. I also had Roy Lessin's Spanking: How? Why? When? and one my mother gave me, The Christian Family by Larry Christiansen, which was awful. But in retrospect it explained a lot about my parent's attitudes. *sigh* I think mom gave me Dobson's The Strong-Willed Child as well - my parents definitely saw me as Dobson's Strong-Willed child, anyhow, and were most frustrated that Dobson's methods never worked on me as advertised. :P

My biggest problem with Dobson (and I agree that he's the least harmful on that list) is that like the rest he teaches that if you use his methods and they don't work, it's because you weren't serious enough or dedicated enough or in some other way it's a failure on the parent's part. He may be less dogmatic now then he used to be (I read most of his stuff in first editions and I've heard he softened his stance some), but there's still an underlying current of "any parent who tries will succeed with this method," which encourages pride in parents whose kids respond well to the methods - and guilt and frustration in parents when the methods fail. And, yes, he does encourage an adversarial perspective, I think.

I really like his writings and efforts in other areas, but at this point his parenting attitudes bother me so much I won't read him. There's a book that's written almost in response to his - Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer?, because these counselors had so many people who'd tried Dobson's methods and they'd failed, and the parents couldn't figure why, because the child appeared to be a classic example of Dobson's strong-willed child. I thought it an interesting book - and it explained a lot about why my dad was so angry and took things I did so personally (which he generally doesn't - take things personally, that is). He'd assumed I was strong-willed, as he is, and so was sure I was deliberately doing these things to make him angry.

I read Tripp, as well, though he isn't listed here. I think the behaviorist stance that underlies these kind of books almost garuntees that the child's actual personality ends up ignored. Dobson recognizes that kids can have different personalities - strong willed or compliant - but he doesn't recotnize any personalities that don't respond well to his system. I do think the majority of kids fit into his theories well enough that his system often works, but that doesn't mean it always works and that doesn't mean it's a good thing when it appears to work. My other problem with these systems is that they focus on the child's good behavior rather than on bringing the child to Christ or on the parent acting in a Christian manner toward the child. Even Tripp, who talks a good story when it comes to heart issues, ultimately puts the focus on behavior, not on the heart.

Sheryl