Our doggie saga
 

The last couple months have been very hard. I started a thread when it seemed to me inevitable to put our 17 year old dog down. He had been incontinent for months, gradually he had less and less control over his back legs. Sometimes his dementia seemed to cause him to forget how to work his legs, and getting him to eat was a huge struggle. I felt strongly that it was getting to the point that it was cruel to him to not put him down. We gave him meds for his multiple issues, and took him regularly to get lazer treatments multiple times a week. I wanted to put him down. That sounds terrible, but it was far past being about what was best for the dog. Dh was unable to let go and stop trying everything imaginable to get the dog in better health. This went on for over a month. I would say how I felt and what I thought was best for the dog and dh would say he didn't agree. If I brought it up again he felt that I was pushing him, but if I said nothing about it dh kept focussing on any indication that there was hope for continued life. Finally I reached a point at which I could not continue to go on as it was. I had my first real fight with dh in the almost 17 years of our marriage. I said it was cruel to the dog and cruel to me. The things dh was doing to try to get Gideon to eat was triggering my issues with food, and I was feeling that he was making whatever his issue was about not putting Gideon down ahead of his concern for me. It was so excruciatingly painful for me to talk that way to him, but I had reached my limit (something that doesn't happen often or easy). The next day I had a counseling session in which I was broken hearted about my sort of fight with dh (he just listened to me rant and then said he had to think about it) and my counselor was spinning in his chair and shouting hurray because I had let myself get really angry at someone I love, told him just what I felt, and didn't turn it into something wrong about me. He was saying, "This is great news!! We have been working on this for years! I know you are miserable but I'm just thrilled for this great victory." I was crying and laughing at the same time. That night when dh came home he said he was ready to make the decision to let Gideon go. We already had an appointment for the next night to do another lazer treatment so we just changed the purpose of the visit. Two of our children were able to come be with us at the vet's office. When it was over we brought him home and buried him in the back yard.
One of the things the vet encouraged me to do was to reassure Gideon that he didn't have to hang on for our benefit, that we would get another dog soon after he was gone so he didn't have to worry about us. That promise (plus some other factors) made me driven to pursue getting another dog right away. I spent hours searching the internet for information about adopting a new dog and also looking for the right dog to adopt. We finally decided to adopt a three month old Chiweenie (dachsund and Chihuahua mix) - and yes they really do call them that. He is the most adorable little guy you ever did see. (I would be delighted to show you a photo but I still don't know how to download pictures yet on my new computer, so description will have to suffice for now). His body is white with light brown streaks that start at his eyes and spread out to cover both ears, and brown patches all over his body including a perfectly shaped dot in the middle of his head, and light brown freckles all over his nose and legs. He looks like a little clown. I thought Freckles or Jester would be good names, but dh wasn't thrilled with those. We finally settled on Tobi (Mexican and Hebrew origins for "God is good". He is doing okay with beginning training. My psychiatrist suggested we use dogface organization to train him. He will start with puppy I and work his way up to being a companion dog eventually. We took him to see Heather's new dog, and Tobi did not behave well at all. He was too excited with having excited children and another dog to play with. Earlier today my son and his wife came over for a visit and at first he was nippy to them, too; but we gave him a time out for about 10 minutes and after that he was much better behaved. He has been contentedly cuddling in my arms for the past few hours while I have been at the computer.
I got a pot of pansies for Mother's Day and we planted them on Gideon's grave. I'm so glad we have him buried where we can visit the site often and easily. I think he would be happy that we have another dog. When we were still at the vet's office I imagined him running happily with Princess (the dog we had before we got Gideon) through the fields of tall grass in a place where he will never hurt again. I don't know that that is good theology but I don't care. God knows my heart.
I'm sitting here with tears running down my face and a very contented little puppy snuggled in my arms. I miss Gideon, but I'm so glad he isn't still in pain being confused and unable to anything anymore. Tobi doesn't replace Gideon, but he is an important part of moving on.
So now that you've read my epic, I'd love some feedback.

Re: Our doggie saga
 

I am glad you have a new fur baby. It is not a replacement.:heart You can never replace an animal that you love and shared your life with. They take a piece of your heart with them, but they leave a piece of their heart in your heart and memories.

Re: Our doggie saga
 

that was very well said. Thanks so much for your kind words.

Re: Our doggie saga
 

All the hugs to you Dolphinmemae :hugheart I think Gideon knows.:heart

Re: Our doggie saga
 

:heart:hug2 I'll bet Gideon is happy that you have a new love.

Re: Our doggie saga
 

It's time to write the conclusion to Gideon's story. The conflict between my beloved and me continued to escalate until I could take no more. I very tearfully poured my heart out to him, insisting that I could take no more. He listened and then walked away. The next day I had a counseling appointment. My counselor was practically dancing around the room in ecstatic joy over the fact that I had gotten seriously angry at someone I dearly loved without blaming myself or resulting in self-harm. When Beloved came home that evening he said he was ready to proceed with euthanizing Gideon. I made the appointment with the vet and told children what was happening and when so they could come and be with us and say good-bye to Gideon if they wanted to. Two of my children opted to be there. Gideon was in rare form - more perky and alert than he had been in quite a while. It was good to see this from him - like he was happily saying farewell to us. When it was over we buried him in the back yard.

One of the things I talked about with Gideon (at the suggestion of both my counselor and the vet) about was I promised him that I would get another dog quickly so that Gideon could know I would be taken care of after he was gone. It became very important to me to fulfill that promise. We adopted a Chiweenie (Chihuahua and dachshund) 3 month old puppy. He is enrolled in puppy kindergarten and is registered as an emotional support dog, so I can take him with me in public places. His name is Tobi, and he is an adorable little thing. He is predominantly white with light tan ears, various sized splotches of tan all over his back, one perfectly round dot on the top of his head, and lots of freckles spattered all over his face and feet. You can even see the speckles under his white coat all over his body.

It's very strange having a baby in the house again; but I think Gideon would be pleased with Tobi. We still miss Gideon and grieve the loss of him, but in my heart of hearts I believe we did the right thing.

Re: Our doggie saga
 

I can share the picture you texted me of him if you would like.

Re: Our doggie saga
 

:heart losing a pet is so hard. Deciding to let one go is so hard. Conflict is so hard. I do believe our animals will be in heaven. I just do. I'm sure Gideon is happy there. :heart

:popcorn for pictures of Tobi!

Re: Our doggie saga
 

:hugheart

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