Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

Good blog entry. I'll link to it.

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

Uuuhhhh...YEAH!

The most common reason my siblings and I were beaten as children was for lying. Generally it went like this...we were hungry for an after school snack, and we knew our step-monster would say "no," so we snuck it...but then eventually she would inventory the pantry and come up with what was missing...and we would all get lined up and asked who took it. Eventually someone would confess (not necessarily the guilty party!), and that person would get beaten.

But then when my father left a bruise that was visible (breaking a paddle over my head because he was upset with a friend of mine who "told" him that he "couldn't" take me away from her by switching churches), they had a the "foresight" to instruct me to LIE to anyone who asked how it happened. Yeah...a 13 year old falls out of bed on a regular basis and hits her eye on the leg of the bed. I knew how implausible that story was--I couldn't even figure out how I could physically do it (manage to hit my eye on the leg of the bed--that was right next to the wall)). I kept hoping someone would question that story, but no one did.

Then three years later I had a visible bruise again--my father hit me across the face breaking my glasses and giving me a black & blue eye. This time they didn't tell me to lie, and I didn't lie. But the first thing I heard when I got home after Child Protective Services contacted them was "why didn't you lie about how you got bruised? Tell them that you fell while you were cross country skiing or something!"

In a "Christian" home no less.

Jenn

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

We were encouraged to lie about the abuse as well. My sister never did and still no one sent CPS to investigate.

There were far more reasons than shoddy heat and little food that had these children removed from their home. The bigger tradegy is one no one has caught onto. The children were originally placed with the uncle and aunt with NO problems. The uncle, according to his own quote, couldn't AFFORD to care for 6 children and had to give the children up to CPS. There's only ONE reason he couldn't afford those kids, and its a silent problem running rampant in this country. Most states refuse to provide kinship care subsidies. That means, the uncle and aunt had to take those children in with NO financial assistance from the state, and eventually had to give them back to the state because they couldn't afford to feed them. Had they wanted to adopt the kids and raise them, they wouldn't have recieved adoption subsidies anymore than they would have recieved fostercare checks on the kids.

For about $600/month, the state could have saved that child's life and spared the siblings from more trauma and abuse in their lives. I strongly suspect the uncle and aunt would have never considered letting them go into the fostercare system in the first place if they weren't worried about how they were going to FEED 6 children.

Its a pretty standard problem in this country and atrocious.

I can see several other points in the story when Sean was failed by the state, especially the point when he reported the spankings, his foster mother INSISTED the bruises were consistent with spankings and the investigators choose to believe the upstanding adoptive mother over the child. And, because all 3 children were under the age of consent for this state, they were placed (according to the DHS report) against their own objections with this adoptive family. IMO which sadly counts for very little, when 3 children are ALL objecting to the adoption placement, its time to listen no matter how little they are and find another situation for them.

Still, while the state failed Sean at several points in his little life, his adoptive mother is the one who MUST face the music for killing him. And, it is my hope that she spends a good portion of her natural life left behind bars and is NEVER, EVER permitted to be near any of those children again. Because I guarantee you that while only the 3 new children showed signs of abuse when this happened, she used Pearl's methods to 'train' the other 4 children as well. They just 'got the lesson' sooner and got to stop being abused quite so much.

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

You're right... that hadn't occurred to me. I agree that foster families should get help regardless of whether or not they are related.

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

Oh my goodness! Two years into GBD and THIS is where I am! Ack! Ack ack ack ack ack!! Will it end?

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

Yes it will.
I'm at DD's right now and for the first time I'm actually putting GBD into practice. Of course, DD has to remind me but I'm learning as I go. I grew up being spanked and raised my DC being spanked so this is so new to me.

I know that visiting and living 24/7 with children are 2 different things, so I know your mothering the GBD way is much more difficult than me just visiting my DGrS for awhile. I know that when you have kids 'under feet' all the time that sometimes it's difficult to remember what to do and how to do it.

Hang in there and keep working at it.
:heart

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

((( Love_Monkey ))))

I go through phases where it's easier, and in the big picture, it's gotten a lot easier over time. But it's never a non-issue.

But, quite honestly, the things that make me punitive are all an intricate part of my flesh (Clay Clarkson talks about this a little in his book), and that's something we have to wrestle with daily... Seeing GBD that way--a daily dying to my flesh, rather than some state of being that I have to first acheive and then maintain--has really helped me to keep my perspective when I'm struggling and forgive myself when I fall short. :hug

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

Thank you for the encouragement. Lately I'm just really feeling like I'm failing my son. I know he is an awesome kid - I think the "awesome" part just gets stuck in there somewhere and I'm not sure if it's the sensory integration stuff or if it's my parenting. Probably both. I'm working very hard at simply accepting him.

The good news is with my dd it is *easy* even when she is being difficult. It's just different personalities. I get how she responds. After five years I still don't understand Marc.

I'll stop now before I completely hijack.

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

Beautifully said.

The pattern I'm seeing emerge is that I learn and grow. Then we have a time of rest. And then struggle. And learn and grow some more.

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

I'm seeing this in our family, too... even though we're a younger family than yours. :)

Re: Sean Paddock's Autopsy / Mandy Locke Article
 

Here, too. :grouphug