Blerg...had to write a letter
 

This is about CTBHHM, not parenting...but I think that the previous can lead into the latter and cause more damage.

I visited my old church while I was in Ohio last week and found that an older, "respected" woman in the church is teaching CTBHHM. Here is the letter I wrote to the pastor:

Pastor S, I have been fighting writing this. I've wanted to say "not my business anymore" and go on with my life. But, I can not escape the unease of my spirit that I believe is the Lord prompting me to do something difficult and uncomfortable but important. So, here I go...

While I was in BG I stayed with TT. T is one of my favorite people on the planet and I know her very well. I know her heart to please God and see L walking with Him, too. She shared with me some advice given to her by Grandma N. that ALARMED me. Advice to drink alcohol when her husband wanted her to, even though she had heard clearly from the Lord NOT to drink any more. Advice NEVER to discuss anything spiritual with him. Advice to "manipulate" (T's word, not N's) him with sex to get him to do more work/be closer to God/be happier. Advice to do anything "short of murder" if he asks her to. Then I heard about the book Grandma N is teaching from, Created to be his Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.

This is a DANGEROUS book. I am happy to expound on my allegation and provide proof from the text, if you like. In short, the book claims that a husband's happiness, spiritual health, and leadership ability are 100% in the hands of the wife. This book also advocates the constant exposure of abused children to their abuser (when the husband is the abuser). Furthermore, the author promotes women avoiding friendship with other women because it can too easily become "more." I could go on and on but won't yet.

The pastors of our church family in California (Tom and Sue Gaddis, Foursquare pastors for many, many, many years; they are highly respected in Foursquare and Sue has written quite a few books and is sought after as a minister and speaker) made a statement from the pulpit AGAINST this book when it came out years ago. Sue and Tom believe this book to be unbalanced and find Debi's interpretation of Scripture to be flawed. I asked Sue's permission to quote them and she encouraged me to do so and to speak against this book.

This book does have a few moments of wisdom but on the whole it is dangerous and sets women and children up for abuse and sets a husband up for spiritual lameness. Again, I can expound on this with information from the text, if you like.

Pastor S, I don't want to "stir a turd", as my dad would say. But I feel strongly enough about the dangers of this book that I am willing to cause a stink. I know that you have to field complaints from your congregation on a regular basis and I NEVER wanted to join them. I love Dayspring and respect you greatly.

Melody

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

:pray4 that he's receptive.

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

I think that was a very good letter :yes

I also :pray2 that he's receptive to what you had to say.

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

I also think it was a very good letter.

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

:tu Great job! :hug

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

I agree.

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

Thanks. I have a fairly good relationship with the pastor. We maintain contact with the church and are renting our OH house to some of the new pastors (our OH house didn't sell before the tornado happened, and we weren't in a good head space to continue to do anything about it, so we offered it to the church for housing pastors and they needed it, so it all worked out...that was a bit of a ramble).

I'm not sure if he has read the book...goodness, I sure hope he hasn't because that would mean that he supports that garbage. I am good friends with 2 of the female pastors and they haven't read the book but are hesitant to trust the book and Grandma N. They know some of the things she "endured" through her 50 year marriage and don't see the godliness/benefit/Scriptural basis for her tolerating what she did. They don't think that Pastor S has read the book but is trusting his Teaching Pastor (whom I don't really trust).

Our old church is ALL about GRACE so I don't know how they can continue to teach this book. I am just sick over it.

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

I think you did a good job. :highfive I hope he hears you.

OT: I grew up Foursquare and that's the first time since leaving that church that I've come across someone who has heard of it. :)

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

I've heard of Foursquare! I worked at a Christian camp one summer and several Foursquare groups came through :yes They were really nice people :heart That's about all I know though :shifty

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

I adore Foursquare. If I *had* to chose a denomination to be in forever, it would be Foursquare. If you haven't read about the beginnings of Foursquare, please do!! It was started by Amy Semple McPherson and she was quite a character and the controversy around her life is wonderfully exciting.

The denomination is very grace-focused and relationship focused. The pastors I've experienced are very much feelers and care so deeply for their congregants, even after they move across the country. It is a charismatic denomination and they have no qualms with women being pastors.

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

Would love to know how he responded! I think it was a great letter!

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

I could tell that by the frank way that you expressed yourself. I bet he will respond in kind, and I'm so glad you felt you could approach him about this--and that you did. Good letter!

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

I am praying that it is received well.. :pray4

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

The fact that they have female pastors makes it sound to me that if they knew what was in that book, they'd be opposed to it.

I hope he responds well!

Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
 

brilliant letter, well done.