when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

screams at the top of her lungs beause she didn't get her way. What do I do?

kicks her brother out of my sight. he syas she did - she lies and says "no I dind't- he kicked himself" or "no Id idn't hit dayna she hit her own head into the wall." what do I do?

stomps across the house, what do I do?

slams doors, what do I do?

She's very very difficult...



Right nowshe is "tomato staked" meaning she's not leaving my side and will probably help me make dinner, etc. but really I dont know what else to do.. or if this is even ok.

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

I cant give any advice but wanted to give you a cyber hug ((((((((((((())))))))))))))

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

:sub

:hug sorry :sad

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

I'm probably not the best person to give advice on screamers I have one but he's younger and Autistic so needs an actual physical boundary to the scream. I put my hand over his mouth and gently sh sh sh sh in his ear. I also whisper to him so he has to stop screaming to hear me. "I know you are upset, but you may not scream, it's ok to be angry tell me you're angry but please don't scream"

Well for the "he kicked himself" (hahaha clever girl) "now why would your brother kick himself then come tattle on YOU? He could easily say you did something without injuring himself. I don't think he kicked himself at all. Go get a book and read in your room please" You've let her know that you are on to her and given her time to mull it over. For the I didn't hit dayna thing...maybe she didn't :shrug3 Maybe she "helped" Dayna hit her head on the wall...but doesn't consider it a vicious act. It helps to ask for a play by play. "Ok, how did dayna hit her head? Where were you? etc.

"Come back here right now! You will walk nicely through the house"

Go open the door and have her shut the door nicely.

HUGS The above is what I do with my 7yr old when he's having fits. It allows him to do things over and act more reasonably with guidance.

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

Read Boundaries with Kids - changed my life!

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

heh- I just returned it. I should recheck it. I was really getting into parenting with love and logic and went ahead and returned boundaries. I have a hard time getting into any non-fiction when I'm reading a fiction, so really the pwl&l isn't getting any love either.:shrug3

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

Is she screaming words or just screeching? I'd tell her to go scream in her room or outside and then I'd walk away. I'd reflect feelings, too, "You're upset b/c..." Give her words to *say* her upset instead of screaming...script what you'd like to hear, i.e., "I'm so disappointed!" "Wow, I feel angry!" "I'm upset." And then a way for her to self-calm...what kind of tools does she have for that?

"You may wish that's what happened. You need to apologize. How can you help him/her feel better?"

"I'm sorry you're frustrated. That's rude to stomp. Try again with softer feet."

Same thing as above...a try again with a gentle door closing.

I'm sorry. :hug

That sounds fine. :yes

I would teach her some skills to help with her frustration that you can then direct her to in the future. What are some ways she calms down now? Reading? Coloring? Staring out the window?

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

I know that if i suggest she go back and try again with softer feet (well we have done this again and again and again) she does it hard again.. then again.. then again.. then sh e'll finally cave and do it soft but with sulky attitude. then i'll say "again - not with an attitude" and she MIGHT do it. or she'll be mad that I'm actually enforcing obedience and she'll flop to the floor and scream I DDDDIIIIIIDDDD. WAAAAAAH..

then what? :scratch seriously.. do I have to spend 15 minutes every time? like.... hell breaks loose with the others while were are in the process. then i'm likely to forget what we were doing anyway. and she leanred nothing.

afa calming herslef.. um.. nothing? she want sto stay mad.. ME personally, I'll go to a room by myself and pray. she wont do that.. she's a bit young really to wanna be alone- she wants to be with us.. so we leave.. doens't bother her unless it'st he middle of the night and I turn off all the lights.. but then she just follows... and sometimes it's just really hard to get away.. and i'm afraid of what she will do to the house if we DO leave her alone.

:sigh

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

Gently I say...If you think of her as "difficult" , those emotions will come across to the child , she can pick up on that..and then she will do her darndest to live up to your expectations.
It helped when I started thinking of my children as "misunderstood" and not "difficult".

Screaming :
My ears don't hear you. You need to use words in a normal voice. If you'd like to let off steam you may scream into your pillow until you learn that screaming gets you no where.
Lying :
We both know you are lying and it makes me want to not trust you. You'll be in less trouble if you just tell me the truth. (truth is always thanked... "Thank you for telling the truth. Let's work on this situation together.)
Stomping:
Your attitude is showing through your feet and it's not acceptable. Stomping with attitude is not allowed.
Slamming of doors:
The slamming of doors is not allowed in this house. It's rude but mostly it's dangerous.

Then I'd set about finding healthy outlets for blowing off steam. I often would give my child some paper and a few crayons (or a tub of sidewalk chalk) and tell them to draw out their feelings. "Draw me with ugly horns and evil eyes. Let your feelings out that way. "

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

I wouldn't have her redo the walk "without attitude" that's smacks of that ol' "happy heart" stuff. She's clearly not happy, and it's OK that she's not happy. She just can't stomp through the house to make her point. If she's sulky but walking softer that's OK. The goal isn't to change her feelings/attitude. The goal is to change how she ACTS on those feelings/attitude.

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

I clicked on this for tips myself. I know I could help my 8 yr old with his anger better.

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

well I dont mind her being grumpy about what i originally asked her to go to her room about, it's being grumpy about my having her walk nicely that is annoying. does that make sense? And I want obedience not compliance. There is no reason for you to have an attitude toward me because I'm asking you to not walk like a dinosaur :shifty

And I am still in the camp that they n eed to have a happy heart. If my boss (I dont have one but figuratively speaking) asked me to clean up a mess I made- if I do it with an attitude that "I can't beelive he just asked me to clean this up- he's got 2 hands, he can clean it up himself" I'm going to feel gumpy and resentful. I dont need dd being grumpy and resentful. I"m going to help her have a happy heart when cleaning up her mess so that she's not resentful and grumpy. :shrug3

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

But the happy heart wouldn't be true. If you are feeling angry/resentful why stuff the feelings and put a smile on your face?

She's 7...she's going to show her temper and be grouchy about having to do something she doesn't want to do. I believe expecting her to be happy in her obedience might be asking a bit much.

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

wow amy, i honestly don't know how to manage that. :nails
I am just happy when my dc let me know how they are feeling. I spent the first few years of parenting trying to get them to "act" a certain way (which really meant stuffing their feelings) and now I appreciate all the insight into their feelings they give me, even if it means they show the chip on their shoulder. We address it, and I also don't like it when they have a bad attitude about things like what you described above, but on the other hand, I don't usually expect them to show me that they feel differently than they really do.
For example, sometimes my daughter will roll her eyes when told something she doesn't like. My dh gets all bent out of shape because he HATES it when people roll their eyes (ask me how I know, and why I don't do it anymore). So he says, "you just rolled your eyes at me and that is very contemptuous. Unacceptable." I think he is overreacting and needs to give the girls a better vocabulary to express what is inside. When I see them roll their eyes I say, "I can tell by the look on your face that you aren't happy about this. When you finish *blank* I'll be happy to talk with you about it." And then at that time or later I say, "You rolled your eyes when I told you *blank*. You shouldn't do that because some people find it exceedingly rude. You could say that you don't agree though. Or you could say it makes you feel angry or sad...etc."

Does that make sense. Maybe you and I mean the same thing and I just wasn't getting it from your post.

I want obedience too. I am pretty sure it has to be given and it comes as they grow in respect and love toward me along with a real desire to do what is right over what they wish. :shrug3 (IDK?)

Re: when my 7 yr. old dd .....................
 

Unless we reconnect and talk about it nicely perhaps? then maybe she'd be more willing to happily go take a breather in her room.. Hm..... so connect before you correct..

boy do I have a lot of opportunities to connect! ;)