would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

I am on a yahoo group that at one point in time recommended TTUAC to me. In light of the death of a child by someone who was using the Pearl's abusive disciplinary methods, would you post that article if you were in my shoes? I fear that I am all ready a thorn in their side because I do question some of the legalism on that forum. I am so glad that before I ever read TTUAC on line via LindaV's website "why not train up a child", she had planted in my head that the Pearls were dangerous and that there was another way to discipline my children which does not involve hitting, belittling, yelling, etc. Would you post the article link, along with the more shocking stuff that they teach, or would you remain silent? Please advise...

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

i think it would just make them plant their feet & defend what they believe.... obviously that mother was just crazy, or took it way too far, etc.

what would be your purpose in posting it? to try to show them that they are wrong/Pearls are evil? or to weep together over the death of this sweet child? i think how you presented the article would make a difference in how they react to it.

i know i probably wouldn't bring it up in my other group, but :blush probably just because i am a big weenie. if you are ok with the possibility of getting flamed over there, and present it as a tragedy not an attack, then i would say go for it.

if you really care about staying friends/being on good terms, or think people will be up in arms that their method of parenting is being attacked, i would say no.

so, yes, and no!

haha lot of help i was!

good luck. :hug

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

I've been doing a *lot* of thinking and praying about this, because I know two families IRL who use their materials. I honestly feel like God is leading to keep quiet about it. Neither family is what I would consider to be "abusive", and I don't want any harsh words of a man they admire and imitate to harm my relationship with them. I'd rather them be drawn to GBD by my actions and kids than led away from Pearl by fear.

But it may be different in an online situation...

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

:/

I looked on the curriculum board I now seldom visit and there was **no** mention of the article, which doesn't totally surprise me since many of the members are pretty punitive and some are Pearl followers. Those of us from here who use the curriculum have suggested gentle discipline and have gotten basically nothing but criticized and basically suggested that we weren't "Christian enough" because we wouldn't strike our children. :td

Unless you are up for a big fight and for a lot of criticism, I too would remain quiet.

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

I'm debating, I guess because my reasons for doing it may not be so pure. It is a tragedy. I wonder if it would cause any of them to rethink their discipline ways? I just keep thinking, wow, they say that the Pearls' way is godly and biblical, yet Jesus would never treat a child or anyone the way that the Pearls think you should train a child.

I just blogged about my thoughts on this tragedy...I started out feeling anger and then sorrow for the people who have been so deceived. I noticed on no greater YUCK ministries, there was no mention about someone dying by their methods. It figures. If I do end up writing something, I will post it here. Is it possible to write to the Pearls website with this article??? Not that they'd listen, but who knows.

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

This is what I am thinking about posting on another board with Pearl lovers on it. Please tell me what you think.

I just saw this link today.
http://www.newsobserver.com/102/story/418676.html

It is such a tragedy, a young child's life ended, for what? And other children being abused too by someone who was supposed to love them. I remember the first time when I read To Train up a Child. My older son was 13 months old and my baby was one month old. I was having difficulties adjusting to having a newborn and a toddler who was getting into everything. It just seemed extremely cruel to me. My hands are for wiping their tears from their eyes, rubbing their backs while they sleep, playing patty cake, etc...not holding a rod to hit them. It makes me wonder why this book by the Pearls would be held up as the way to produce Christian children par excellence. We as Christians are following after Christ's example. Jesus never hit a child. He never hit his disciples either, even though they were often unruly men who lacked self discipline at times.

I have my moments with my children, ones where I am not kind or patient by any stretch of the imagination, but there is something inside of me which says STOP if I start to do something or even think about doing something which goes against my mothering instinct. How could this woman in essence beat her children and then wrap her 4 year old up in a blanket, so tightly that he suffocated to death? Could she not see the pain or fear in their eyes? I remember the first time I yelled at my older son, how he cried because up until that point, he'd only heard mommy's voice singing softly to him and cooing. I think that I cried even more than he did because I'd scared him and hurt his heart.

It seems that the Pearl's method promises good godly children, the kind that always come when called the first time, the kind that don't embarass you in public, the kind that make your life easier. But at what cost? Is the outward show worth the inner pain that the child suffers? Is it really all about me looking good as a parent?

I guess I am just rambling on and reeling inside about what these poor children suffered. I think that I am going to go hug my babies now and never let them go. It's humbling. I know that sometimes my temper flares and I start to look at my children as the enemy, the ones who won't let me get stuff done around the house because their needs for food, drink, clean diapers, etc. must be met before my own. I cannot bear to think of my own flesh and blood this way. I cannot bear to break their spirits with a rod, just so that my life will have fewer hassles.

Tammy

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

I think I would ask for God to give you a clear sign to do it, otherwise, it seems to be bringing out a lot of denial in 'true believers'. I'm in the same situation as Mary - two families I know recommend it, but I don't think there would be productive conversation about the article, so unless the Lord directs me, I will probably not send the article.

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

You know what, I don't think that the moderators would even let it be posted even if I did send it. I commented about being quiverful and about modest dressing one day, it's been 3 days I think, and it didn't come through to me. Nor did I receive any letter from them commenting on why they did not allow it to go through. That's happened to me before on that list. Talk about censorship!

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

I have wondered that same thing myself. There is another board that I used to visit and they are all very pro Pearl. I want to share this so much, but like you said I am not sure if the moderators would even let it go through. :think

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

I d be cautious simpily because cause of death was the blanket wrapping thats not Pearl (as far as I know) someone really stretching could even point to baby swaddling as being dangerous. :rolleyes

Deanna

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

I did not end up writing to that group, but I am writing to a few people about this. I don't know if they follow the Pearls or not. What makes this whole thing even worse is that this causes the name of Christ to be blasphemed. Something bad happens because someone is following a so called Christian minister's child abuse book, and people assume that all Christians are abusive louts. This is what I wrote.

I saw this link yesterday.

http://www.newsobserver.com/102/story/418676.html

It's truly heartbreaking. A child is dead at the hands of his foster mother. What makes me even more upset is that this woman was following the advice of Michael and Debi Pearl. They wrote the book To Train up a Child, Created to be his help meet, and are the heads of No greater joy ministries. This is a Christian couple who's parenting advice, when followed to the letter, caused death to a child. I feel that people need to be warned about this couple's materials. They twist the Bible terribly. I did read To Train up a Child when I was having a hard time with Bashar's early toddler hood. However, their methods did not sit right with me. I hated how they compared animal training to training a child. I could not imagine putting something within the reach of my child, tempting him, and then hitting him with a rod when he put his hand to touch it and repeating this over and over and over. The Pearl's materials are popular in some churches. I feel saddened because this couple has caused the name of our Lord and Saviour to be blackened. People will assume that all Christians approve of the Pearls and their methods. I want to start a website or a blog and analyze the Pearl's work, perhaps you could say that it would be a public service announcement of sorts, to warn others. I pray that this child will not have died in vain. I pray that people in conservative Christian circles will open their eyes and see that the Pearls are flawed in their doctrines, they are the wolf in sheep's clothing that the Bible warns about.

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

Bringing this up, IMO, is like bringing up a parent who rolled over in the night and killed her baby to an AP mom. Not productive for anyone.

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

I wonder, would it make a church more leery of using their materials? I mean, Ezzo is bad enough, but afaik, they don't have anything in them which is so violent like hitting a child with a flexible piece of pipe...I guess I see a difference between a child failing to thrive (like something passive, not saying that it's good, it's neglect), versus something happening because of an active beating. I don't know quite how to explain it, please bear with me...

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

Good point :think

Re: would you tell Pearl followers about this?
 

As for the Ezzos. . . Gary Ezzo teaches that children ought to be "chastised" with a "biblical rod" which he describes as "somewhat flexible, not stiff or unbending" instrument (GKGW, p.220). Ezzo families sometimes describe this being a wide strip of rubber tubing, a rubber show sole, a thin razor strap, or a large glue stick.