Originally Posted by Aerynne (Post 6159963)

I don't feed my kids if they're not showing some initiative. So if the next thing is lunch or a snack, they have to be making progress to get fed. If they have a super long list and it is time to eat, I will require something small be done before they will eat. The younger the kid and the more hungry they are, the smaller this chore will be, but I do require progress for them to get fed. The Bible says if you don't work you don't eat, and I tell my kids this.

Another thing I do is that all breaks are taken with a timer. And I will ask them how long they want for a break (though if they say 3 hours that's not an option). So they might do a chore, get 15 minutes to read (but only if they or I set the timer), then do another chore, etc.

As for them not getting it done and then it is bed time, I'll have to think on that. Usually between no progress= no food and them only getting timed breaks, they have their stuff done by bedtime. If they worked pretty hard and got most of it done I don't do consequences for not having it done by bedtime, but for a kid who was just goofing off all day that would definitely require a consequence. We do have a penalty jar of chores and they draw one out for certain failures to work, so I might do that. But for a kid who really isn't getting anything done, a penalty chore wouldn't help- then they just wouldn't do that, either.

I assume you are breaking chores into reasonable chunks, right? (I have kids who can just fold a week's worth of laundry but I have had kids who have to be given the shirts, then the pants, etc).

Originally Posted by Soliloquy (Post 6160001)

Don't be afraid to let him experience the consequences. I may be reading more into your post but, from the sound of it, it seems like your question is, "how can I get him to pick up his toys so he won't miss the party and won't lose his toys?" The answer may be that that's exactly what needs to happen.

If you've set him up for success and you're certain you're not asking more than he can manage, then yes, he misses the party. Yes, his toys go in to a donation bag and get dropped off. That's okay. If he doesn't care, :shrug then he has too many toys (most kids do, including mine).

I do let friends be disappointed if that's what needs to happen. We've been on the other end of that and I am understanding. "We can't meet you today after all, my kids won't do their chores so we have to stay home until they're done and we've past the point where we can leave and still make it."

Originally Posted by mamacat (Post 6160035)

Wow! That just sounds like an awfully long list for a 6 yr old to take responsibility for and do on his own w/o lots of handholding and prompting and redirecting and reminding. I had to do a lot of that with much older kids at times. Even have to ask and remind the young and not so young adults in our houehold at times:yes

Originally Posted by marbles (Post 6160051)

It does sound kind of a lot and vague. My kids have to help out when asked, but my 6 year old does a 10 minute room cleanup, broken down into steps, one weekly chore (like vacuum the living room/take care of pet/clean bathroom something/gatherlaundry, they rotate), one daily chore (2 on non school days), and 5 minute living room cleanup.

There are several kinds of responsibilities here. Where is he having trouble?

Originally Posted by gerberadaisy (Post 6160060)

He wants to play all day & do nothing but play.

Originally Posted by momma2girls (Post 6160074)

My 8 year old can be this way. Honestly I have no idea if this is considered gentle parenting or not but the only thing that worked with her was taking away her access to 90% of her toys. :shrug3 Took her about a week but she has a very different attitude now.

As to chores I did lists with them for a long time and my almost 11 year old is asking for one again since she is having a hard time keeping track of the things she does. We have daily chores and Saturday chores so they don’t have to think of the once a week things daily.

My 6 year old helps walk dishes after meal time to a sibling that is loading them in the dishwasher. She also helps with toy clean up 3 times a day. We clean up before lunch, dinner, and bed. (With homeschooling though it’s often a 2 min job for what little they get out while taking turns playing with the toddler during school.) She also puts her dirty clothes in the hamper but I don’t require that she hang her clean things up since that is hard due to her height. :think The only other things I can think of that she does on a daily basis is pick up her stuffed animals and make sure her books are put away.

Originally Posted by marbles (Post 6160107)

Does the separating toys help? I tried to do that for my 6 year olds room but that overwhelmed him. He does much better when he has a big box for Legos, a space for stuffed animals and then just dump everything else together. I thought that having a place for everything would make cleaning up easier, but that's not the case for mine.

Originally Posted by MegMarch (Post 6160143)

We moved to the Trofast drawers from Ikea for most things. And we have a rule of only two kinds of toys out at a time, and if they are sets that have lots of pieces or it's close to bedtime, I let her know she can only get a few of each kind out. It may just be the maturity she's gained over time, but this is working better than previous types of sorting and rules.