What's the GD wisdom on siblings, toys and sharing?
 

I'm sure I could scour the forum for appropriate threads, but I really want the down and dirty on this issue in a jiffy. :shifty There are three specific scenarios that I'm dealing with right now.

1) R taking away ANYTHING that BabyG has and is enjoying, even if it just a random piece of detritus that R has no interest in playing with himself. I make him return the item in these instances but it still happens all. the. time.

2) R taking away every toy from G because, in his mind, they are all his. I've told him he needs to share or go where he won't be disturbed by G. If he leaves something out in a common area, it's fair game for G to play with IMO. I'm not sure what to do when G wants to play WITH R and R behaves like his entire fleet of Matchbox cars will be tainted or something if touched by G.

3) Yesterday was G's birthday. He received just a few new toys and as soon as G starts playing with one, R commandeers it. He offers to trade G for an old toy (something that I have insisted upon when R wants to take a toy that G is playing with) and flips out when I insist that these new toys are G's and that he gets first dibs on them.


There is more and more screaming from both kids over this toys sharing issue and I'm tired of hearing it. What do I do?

Re: What's the GD wisdom on siblings, toys and sharing?
 

In our house, we don't use the word share, but take turns. Take turns is more black and white I found and the kids realize that they WILL get a turn.

Also, turns start off at 5 minutes. I set a timer, when it goes off, it is time for the next person to play with it. I'm not sure how that would work with a baby. I know when my youngest was a baby, after the time was up, I would gently swap out a new toy for the toy that was taking turns.

Also, at age four, I would have sit down times with him and practice taking turns. Mine are older, and we still have to do that occasionally, but when mine were younger, it would usually just be me and one child and we would take turns.

Do you think he's having any jealousy issues?

Re: What's the GD wisdom on siblings, toys and sharing?
 

:cup

Re: What's the GD wisdom on siblings, toys and sharing?
 

Uh, IDK, yes? :shifty My husband keeps assuring me that this is just how siblings are (I'm an only, he has a sister). I really haven't noticed any discernible difference in his behavior even when I give R my undivided attention for a significant amount of time.

The taking turns thing is a good idea though. :yes

Re: What's the GD wisdom on siblings, toys and sharing?
 

I'm still working it out, but here are a few things we've been doing.

1) Treasures need to be safe. If Weds doesn't want Pugs to have her special baby dolls or mechanical hamster or whatever, she has to keep them in a safe spot, with my help if she thinks she needs it. If it's a treasure, I will help retrieve it from Pugs, who lately has become nearly diabolical about finding her dearest treasures and bringing them to her with an ear-to-ear grin, shrieking, "Mine!" and racing away with her squalling behind him.

2) Anything that isn't a treasure is fair game, and turns do need to be taken. If she's not playing with something, but decides she really wants it, she needs to try asking him, waiting, and finally getting my help in setting a timer. Usually, it almost never gets to the timer. One or the other of them loses interest before that even happens.

3) Snatching is absolutely not okay. IOW, if Weds has a toy scorpion in her hand, and Pugs races by and plucks it from her, he is escorted back and assisted in handing it back over. And vice versa.

I think sharing is one of those things that is still rudimentary, but just starting around four or five. I remember working a LOT on sharing for the first half of the year the years I taught kindergarten, because centers were very contentious until certain rules were established. If it is a drawing or playdough sculpture, it's not up for grabs; it's exclusive property. If it's a "treasure," and super special, it's also considered exclusive property. I try to make certain things to be everybody's toy, which kind of helps. We try to do some fun games with counting down to help Pugs, too, even though he's not really development ally ready to share that willingly. When we had the trampoline out, we'd do jumping games while counting to twenty, and then yell, "Now SWITCH!!!" And then the next child would hop on.

We also really dramatically try to play up the compliments when they do play nicely and cooperate with handing things back. For some reason, The Happiest Toddler on the Block bugs the heck out of me, but one thing from that book that works around here is "gossip," or when I tell DH or my sister over the phone in their earshot about how Weds gave Pugs some playmobil to play with and everyone played so peacefully. It may not work for everyone, but Weds is a WOA kind of girl, and that sort of thing sticks with her.

It's a heck of a process, that's for sure. We work at it every single day.

Re: What's the GD wisdom on siblings, toys and sharing?
 

We do a lot of similar things.:yes A few more...

We haven't started the timer yet but I'm starting to teach Penny the word "turn." eg If I'm sharing an apple with her, I hand it to her and say "Penny's turn" and when I take a bite, I say "Mama's turn!"

A phrase I use is "play too." So if Lydia has out all her princess dolls, she can hand one to Penny and let her play too. Or she can go to her room and play. I'm not going to keep the baby out of one of her elaborate princess party setups in the middle of the living room floor. :shrug3

I encourage her to get Penny her own book to look at or to find another stuffed animal to play with, as examples, so that Penny can feel included.

Lydia can always yell "help" if they aren't getting a long.

Re: What's the GD wisdom on siblings, toys and sharing?
 

We also take turns. If it's something uber special, they don't have to share it with their siblings but they cannot take their sibling's special toy either. I usually give them a chance to work it out first and they know if they are rolling around on the floor fighting and can't come to a good solution, the toy will go in time out until they can work out how to take turns.

Re: What's the GD wisdom on siblings, toys and sharing?
 

The first thing I do is ensure that I'm not projecting MY feelings onto the "wronged" child. Often times, when the bigger child snatches from the younger child "I" feel wronged, but the child doesn't care.

Then, if it's a rule for one, it's a rule for all. Yes, even baby toys were fair game if they were in the common area.

Birthday toys are special for a limited period of time, that being, only until the birthday child offers it to another child.

Once I'm sure that I'm in the right state of mind, then discipline can happen.

We don't make our children share toys, but we do make sure that if child A is unwilling to share, then child B knows that they can be unwilling later. Basically, I don't want to be forced to share my stuff, so I don't force them to share theirs.

If a child is currently playing with a toy and another came up to snatch it (mine have outgrown this now) then it was just the consistent, "do not snatch toys, give it back and ask nicely".

Once both children are to an age where they are both participating in the dispute, if a dispute erupts over a toy, the toy is removed. "People are more important than things" is all I ever said. Then the toy is put up until both parties moved on.

That's it.

By the way, your dh is correct, this is normal for siblings, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable.