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-   -   Prioritizing relationship (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=522977)

NovelMama 05-31-2017 06:06 AM

Prioritizing relationship
 
In a thread I posted last year about some struggles we were having with AJ, someone asked if I prioritize relationships or ideals. I realized I prioritize ideals. I want to shift that but I seriously have no idea how to balance the two. (Suuuuuuper black and white thinker over here, LOL). Then recently I read a post in a homeschooling group on Facebook where someone was giving advice to a new homeschooler, and her first point was to prioritize relationship, and I suddenly realized that I really and truly have no idea what that mean. And it SOUNDS like an important thing and that SOUNDS like wise advise, and I'm thinking as a homeschool coach I should probably be giving the same advice, LOL, but I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE. Kinda feeling like an emotionless robot over her at the moment because this concept is so foreign and hard for me to understand.

So...what does it mean to you to prioritize relationship in your homeschooling?

Singingmom 05-31-2017 06:27 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and let the lesson goal for the day slip away while I take a walk with a grumpy child.

Making time for fun and relaxation with the kids, whatever that looks like for them...for me that takes a conscious letting go of something else since there isn't usually time in the day to hit every academic goal and relax together. This might not happen every day, but I try to keep it on my radar.

Making accommodations when something is stressful for them, like reading it aloud to them or letting them use a calculator...valuing their state of mind above the academic.

Sally Clarkson has a lot to say about relationship. And there's a new book you might like called Teaching From Rest. I've only skimmed it, but I think you'll find a focus on relationship.

I want to come back to this when I have more time. This is a favorite topic of mine. :heart

bananacake 05-31-2017 07:45 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
Have you read Teaching from Rest? I'll admit I haven't finished it :)

Aerynne 05-31-2017 08:09 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
I think it means a random day off or park trip, a day making a double recipe of cookies and calling it math, watching a movie together or getting lost in a book and reading the whole thing, a backyard game of soccer, etc. To me it's about scrapping the to-do list when you need to. But when I do this it's more likely to be after tackling something and not instead of it- ie I don't let them give up on that fraction page halfway through when it's hard- we get through it together and then after we're done we do something fun and scrap the rest, or the next day we do something fun for math. I don't want to teach them to give up when it's hard. It might look like "let's go have a snack together and read a book and then come back and do this in 20 minutes", though.

The Tickle Momster 05-31-2017 08:56 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
For me, it means choosing not to fight with them about school work. So, if math is challenging and bringing tears, we put it away for the day. Or, if a curriculum really isn't working, taking time with the student to look at other options.

I am working through how to do it with an older student who really needs to learn to write. It is hard for him. I believe it is mostly a mental block. So, I'm trying to find ways to make it happen w/o him hating me.

Summed up, I would say, don't let school lessons come between you and your child.

mamacat 05-31-2017 09:23 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
Michelle OT here but some people just really have a hard time with expressing and learning and writing. If hey can narrate or do oral presentations and learn about how to writ essays and things it can help

tazmom 05-31-2017 09:25 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by The Tickle Momster (Post 6087050)
For me, it means choosing not to fight with them about school work. So, if math is challenging and bringing tears, we put it away for the day. Or, if a curriculum really isn't working, taking time with the student to look at other options.

I am working through how to do it with an older student who really needs to learn to write. It is hard for him. I believe it is mostly a mental block. So, I'm trying to find ways to make it happen w/o him hating me.

Summed up, I would say, don't let school lessons come between you and your child.

Pretty much this. How it looks varies by child, from the child who I outsource language arts for to the child who needs to be told to its okay to not get everything done.

It also means that I spend a lot of time being teacher, coach, chauffeur, employee, employer, etc so I need to be intentional about making time to be fun Mommy. Lately life has been showing me that when everyone gets really crabby, resistant, and fighting it means we need to take a day to get out and have some family fun.

mamacat 05-31-2017 09:55 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
People have said it well and I have had a hard time with that too.I guess slowing down from checking off boxes mode to being more tuned into this isnt working lets put it aside and try again later and connect

Lena O. 05-31-2017 10:04 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by The Tickle Momster (Post 6087050)
don't let school lessons come between you and your child.

This. I am always mom first and teacher second. :yes

bananacake 05-31-2017 10:07 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
Andy Stanley has a bunch of phrases, some inherited from his dad, that I thought of. Relationship over reputation. Connection before correction.

In this case, I'd modify it to relationship over rules/rigid thinking about what you expect to happen every day. Asking yourself, "Is my drive to do a certain amount/accomplish a certain goal today getting in the way of connecting with my daughter/letting her know I love her and that she is more important than my drive to achieve/B&W thinking?"

ECingMama 05-31-2017 10:13 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
For me, it has started to mean not doing school with both kids at the same time. They are SO different.

The 7 year old needs structure and an obvious start and finish.

The nearly 10 year old child needs fun and different and all.stinking.day and evening and into night to finish her stuff. But I LOVE our evenings of silent reading. We sit together and snuggle and read.

It's not public school from 7:30-3 (hours around here). Then homework.

It's real life.

The Tickle Momster 05-31-2017 10:18 AM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mamacat (Post 6087056)
Michelle OT here but some people just really have a hard time with expressing and learning and writing. If hey can narrate or do oral presentations and learn about how to writ essays and things it can help

Thanks. :yes I have tried everything I can think of to help him along. He digs in his heels. When he finally does the work, it is reasonably well done. He doesn't see the point and so doesn't want to work at it. It's a long story and I probably ought to spin. ;)

mommychem 05-31-2017 04:26 PM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
My oldest is 8 so I've only been doing "school" a little while. For me, it has meant recognizing that my children really are learning all the time and that there are many ways to get boxes checked off. They may have many teachers, coaches, etc. in life, but I'm their one and only mom. That comes first. It took more than two years, off and on, for my oldest and I to finish the reading program I chose whereas it took my second DD about five months to do the same program. I had to keep stopping with my first to reconnect and check in. She and I are so different and we learn differently. She needs connection first or she will have a mental block. But once she feels the connection, she learns quickly. She is also an advanced artist (drawing) for her age which is not my gift at all. :no So I allow her ample time to do that instead of pushing too hard on the things I'd rather do. :hug I see this as helping her manage her own mental health as well. :yes

knitlove 05-31-2017 06:11 PM

Re: Prioritizing relationship
 
I need to make this more of a priority next year.

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